> Sex and Relationships

It’s that time of the year, folks. The last week of September is always a dreadful time.

I always have exams, papers due and the temperature outside drops. I’m always single and, oh yeah, I get older. That’s right, it’s my f*%#ing birthday.

When you are in love with your partner, you go out of the way to please each other, paying attention to the small details. The sex soon becomes perfect. When you and your lover part ways, the sex you have with other people is rebound sex, which is never as good, at no fault of the reboundee.

In today’s world of dating, sex and traditional gender roles being thwarted, finding someone interesting to spend time with is a challenge.

This is why when I was recently told that there is a guy who has a crush on me, I said, “Well, hell, why doesn’t he talk to me?”

Men have been known to be resistant to commitment and have referred to marriage as the “M” word. Recently the tables seem to have turned, making men the ones who are in a hurry to find lasting commitment.

When did this happen? A few of my girlfriends and I have encountered this cultural phenomenon repeatedly, which convinces us that men who have grown biological clocks have become the norm.

In the dating scene, it is sometimes hard to determine whether someone is actually good enough for you right off the bat. OK, maybe “good enough” isn’t the right way to put it.

Maybe finding someone who fits you is so hard, that we overlook telltale signs that this person is wrong.

Everyone has them. There is a strange fascination in America with them. There are big ones, little ones, pink ones, brown ones.

You can pierce them, tweak them, clamp them, adore them. This is my tribute to the beloved nipple.

His hand is roaming around inside of her shirt, focusing on the nipple visible through her camisole top. Her hand is rubbing the ever-growing bulge in his blue jeans.

Their tongues are so far down each others’ throats that it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. All of a sudden, through the smoky air and scent of beer, someone screams, “Get a f@&*ing room!”

There comes a time when everyone who is sexually active must take a step back and a deep breath, and ask themselves, “Is there enough lube in the world for this to work?”

Don’t fret: there is so much lube out there, just try to get the thick kind. You don’t want it to dry up.

Everyone I know has been through a dry spell. I just relieved myself of mine through a little mutual masturbation via phone sex.

Phone sex is virtually the safest sex one can have, seeing as the two (or thanks to conference calling, many) are not even in the same room, let alone close enough to cause pregnancy or STD transfer.

I had an interesting few days recently; I slept with three different men in less than a week’s time.

I didn’t have sex with any of my sleepover buddies. This seems to be the time of year where people find cuddling and companionship as important as, if not more than, sex.

Water, water everywhere. Not a drop to drink.

There should be a law forcing them to wear signs, or just tattoo it on their foreheads. Maybe they should wear uniforms, or ankle bracelets like parolees.

Happy Holidays, everyone! As the semester comes to a close, there are many things on our minds: exams, term papers, grades and, most of all, holiday shopping.

For those of you looking for the perfect gift for that special someone, allow me to help out a tad.

All children are taught from a young age to share. Preschoolers are told to share their toys; kindergarteners are told to share their school supplies. Swingers are the adults that took these lessons to the next level: sharing their spouses.

Swinging has been around for ages, but lately it seems to have moved into the limelight. Television shows such as “Sex and the City” and “Nip/Tuck” have aired episodes revolving around this sexual kink. MySpace.com has “swinger” as an option under the “relationship status” category. Swinging is invading popular culture at an alarming rate.

For the purpose of getting laid, it is extremely important to be aesthetically pleasing to your partner. This becomes a whole new topic when being “attractive” demands surgery.

Foreskin, no? Most likely, you or your partner is circumcised.

Most of us are guilty of spending too much money on one (or more than one) indulgence. Students hanging out in the Union were asked what their indulgences are.

“Music-related stuff.”

We all have drunken moments that we barely — or can’t — remember. I had an entire night like that two years ago, and it was brought up again recently.

I was at a bar the other night, chatting with this cute guy. He looked a little familiar, but I go out a lot, so I thought nothing of it. I was flirting with him just a little when someone said my name, and I turned. When I turned back, the cute guy was staring at me.

I have written about many diverse subjects in the genre of sexuality, but this takes the cake. Let me tell you a little bit about a subculture of people who call themselves “furries.”

For those of you who haven’t heard of this kink before, it is less socially acceptable than S & M, but just as organized. “Furries” are people who have a fascination with stuffed animals, animal costumes (i.e. mascots) and cartoon animals.

Every sexually active person on the planet has had a moment of mortification during an intimate experience. The best way to deal with it, I say, is to laugh it off.

Have you ever gotten stuck in an article of clothing when trying to remove it in a sexy manner? Perhaps you left a necklace on over a turtleneck, and you were in turn stuck with a shirt over your face, incapable of getting it off and unequipped or unwilling to put it back on.

When you have a lover, no strings attached, you must keep with the general rules. Do not speak to each other about anything besides sex and perhaps the weather. If you start talking about your interests, you have ruined your sex object.

Beware of making your booty call into a human being. I had this happen to me recently. I have a fuck buddy who is smoking hot and quite a good lover, but the other day, we got into a short discussion while he was getting ready to go home.

After all these years, and all of the people who have been in my life, what do I have in the end?

A crumb trail of failed relationships, dead friendships and reminders not to look back grows behind me as I glide through the years.

When stress piles up and every second of your time is taken up by school, work or worrying about school and work, certain parts of your life pay the price.

When we have no spare time for a social life or the energy to meet new people, and all of our booty calls have disappeared or are no longer appealing, one certain activity seems to disappear by the wayside.

There are many times in a person’s life when they are vulnerable, sad and susceptible to influence by others. These are the times that manipulative people wait for.

Some people prey on the depressed by taking their money, talking them into a time-share or getting them into bed. My question is: how long does one have to wait before they hit on someone who is freshly heartbroken so as not to seem like they are taking advantage of a bad situation?

Can anyone you know do that with a ping-pong ball? Anyone would get a Charlie horse doing that. Who makes that noise?

Porn is big in today’s society, which is obvious if you look at how many people are fighting against it. The men and women in these videos must be really hard workers, because I don’t know anyone who has sex like they do.

There has been a particular trend in my life that has been spiraling out of control as of late. I can’t seem to stop it or slow it down.

I am rebound girl.

No matter how much we may hate the idea, we all tend to judge a book by its cover. If you are a sighted person, you will judge based on superficial aspects of other people.

One of the most ridiculous things that we single people do is judge someone by the person he or she is dating. For example, if I see a guy that I think is attractive and he is with an apparently intelligent, attractive, confident woman, I will find him more attractive (although my personal morals prevent me from doing anything about it).

There are many words that get our blood boiling, most of them being offensive. In this case, I am thinking more along the lines of words that get blood boiling in a good way.

Now, no need to cover the youngsters’ eyes: there are so many sexy words that can be used in everyday speech. These words evoke a deep feeling, making one feel sexy. Feeling sexy is half the battle when it comes to being confident with your sexuality. Okay, I am starting to sound like a psychology book.

You have been having a horrible day. You woke up late, aren’t feeling well and everyone seems to be against you. You are stressed out, angry and you have a headache the size of Montana.

What do you do?

There are many difficult things about being in a relationship whether it is new and exciting or old and comfortable.

One of the things that is hardest to do for the first time is ask to try a new sexual position or favor. It can be pretty complicated and uncomfortable to ask if your lover can try to put it in your _.

In this world, there are many things that we don’t understand. One of the more complicated of these is sex.

No one ever really understands sex, no matter how much experience they have. Some of the more confusing aspects of sex have to do with fetishes.

Mornings can be a difficult time for all of us, especially if we go out drinking the night before. These sluggish mornings can be made more difficult when hormones are involved.

The sun filters in through the blinds and your bedmate wraps his or her arms around you a bit tighter, softly kissing your neck and whispering, “good morning …” Suddenly, you are well aware what your lover is thinking, and it seems like a pretty good way to start your day. Unfortunately, there are many roadblocks slowing you down from having morning sex.

Stress in the workplace can be a little overwhelming at times, making all of us wish for an outlet. Unfortunately, cigarette and coffee breaks can only do so much for lowering the pressure put on us by our employers, deadlines and quotas.

Some of us have our little fantasies to get us through. One of the more popular fantasies is sex in the workplace. We have all thought about it. When I was in high school, dating a sweet and very conventional guy, I used to think about getting it on in the storage room of the clothing store I worked at. Honestly, I also had the thought of doing it in the storefront window. The former was far more likely to happen, but thoughts of the latter made the blood pump through my veins a little faster.

There are many things women will do to be accepted by society and feel good about themselves. Makeup and designer clothes don’t even scratch the surface. Women pay hundreds of dollars for shoes that are painful to walk in.

That is still not the craziest thing women do to be accepted. Plastic surgery is one of the more drastic things one can do to feel better about herself.

There are tons of muscles in the human body that we constantly think about. We think about the tightness of our asses, the flatness of our abs and the tone of our arms. We are commonly forgetting the most important muscles in the body.

The love muscles, or at least the lust muscles.

There are times in our lives when we do things we are not very proud of. Most of the mistakes we make are reasonably easy to deal with. Unfortunately, there are those mistakes that stare you right in the face.

Sleeping with someone you see on a daily basis can be perfectly acceptable as long as nothing goes awry. Over the last nine years of being sexually active, I have had intimate relationships with people I work with, go to school with and hang out with. Very rarely is there a problem.

After all of these years and all of my columns, I was doubtful that I had anything left to say about Valentine“s Day, and then something amazing happened.

I was thinking about ordering flowers for a friend“s birthday which is the day before Valentine“s Day, and I realized I better not order roses. With Valentine“s Day being such a big deal in our materialistic country, we really need to plan ahead. There are many dos and don“ts for VD (that“s how I refer to this wonderful holiday). While the dos are important, the don“ts are vital.

There are many different kinds of music out there that have an array of different affects on one“s psyche. There are songs for romance, songs for broken hearts, songs for bad days, hope, lust, you name it. One group of songs that often goes ignored, or quietly giggled about, is songs about masturbation.

When you are feeling down, try picking yourself up by listening to a song about feeling yourself up. There are a million out there. Songs that you may not have guessed were about self-gratification and songs that are very obvious about their subject matter both have a place on my list. Whether the lyrics put a smile on my face or the suggested activity does, I“m smiling at the end of a bad day.

I figured that I would do a quick tribute to vacation sex this week because when this paper comes out, I will be on a beach in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. My first real vacation ever is taking place as you read this.

Vacation sex can be exciting, different, a break from the norm. If you are going on a vacation with your significant other, there are a few possible scenarios that could come about. Some people get closer when they go on vacation together; others break up on the flight home.

This question has been plaguing the minds of men for centuries. Is my sexual equipment sufficient to satisfy my partner?

Lets be brutally honest here: size does matter.

After many years on the dating scene and many false relationship starts, I have finally come to the end of my rope: my sex-column rope.

Dont get me wrong, I do adore writing this column, and never run out of dating experiences. Unfortunately, I am running out of fresh topics.