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Kinky sex: So in right now
Dan Savage enlightens Milwaukee during Coming Out Week
By Miranda Agee
“Every guy has kinks. If you want a guy with no kinks, get yourself a priest or a dog.” – Dan Savage
Strolling into the Union Ballroom last Wednesday night, an Alterra coffee in one hand and my notebook and pen in the other, I was prepared to be a bobble-head the entire night. I was convinced I needed that Alterra.
I walked in, fashionably late, and received a small piece of paper.
I looked around and it seemed everyone was swiftly writing, giggling or in deep thought with eraser to their lip.
Instead of putting it gracefully on the floor to forget about, I read the paper.
“Too Scared to Ask Dan Savage a Question in Person??? Write it on the back of this card and Dan will answer it anonymously. Chicken.”
Chicken? What would we possibly be asking this guy? He’s a writer who has his own column in The Onion titled “Savage Love;” what could people be scared about asking him? How did you become a writer? What do you do if you get writers block? Do you have an eleventh toe?
I would come to find out that the questions that would be answered were more provocative than this little girl with her Alterra could have imagined. It turned out that I didn’t need my coffee.
Right from the beginning, Savage wanted his audience to know that, “If you take anything away from ‘Savage Love’ it’s that everyone is a f---ing freak, and you have to f--- them to find that out.”
I like to think of last Wednesday as a learning experience. For one, I learned that everyone has a fetish.
Some people like to rub or lick their significant others’ feet. That is a common fetish. Some people like to be spanked with a belt on occasion; that is also a common fetish. Another common fetish is drinking your significant other’s pee.
Aside from watching a peculiar episode of “Sex and the City” (ladies, you know what I am talking about), I have never heard of drinking pee for pleasure. Naturally, as soon as I got home I asked my boyfriend what his own fetishes were.
I’m not a prude in anyway, but you have no idea how relieved I was to hear that his fetishes were none of the above-mentioned fixations. I know what you are thinking, you horny reader, but no — you do not get to know what his fetishes are.
I also learned a lot about butt plugs. According to Savage, “this is not a cork you put up your ass.” Thank god that was cleared up.
He said that, “a butt plug is a narrow tool that looks like a lava lamp … only you don’t plug it in.”
Butt plugs are not just for gay men. While one is inserted, males of any orientation reach a higher state of ecstasy.
So, when I came home that night, I asked my beau if he would ever want to try a butt plug.
Innocently, I explained how Savage said that if you get them full of lubricant, they go into the anal hole quite easily, and your man does not even know they are there until they have an orgasm. He will have a life-altering orgasm, Savage said.
If there was ever a time I wanted to shrivel up into a cave and lay there starving, until my slow and horrifying death, it was the moment when I asked my man if he wanted to try a butt plug. The look I got spoke a thousand words.
No.
That ended our talk on my experience with “Savage Love.”
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