E-mail
Print
Arbitrary NFL Rankings
A look at all 32 teams after 6 weeks
By Brett Winkler
Ranking NFL teams early in the season is just about as useless as, well, ranking college football teams early in the season. Or late in the season. Or at all. Nevertheless, everybody does it, so you might as well add the UWM Post to that last. After six weeks of football, here’s a look at where all 32 teams stand.
1. Tennessee Titans
The Kerry Collins Experience is 5-0, so we’ll give them their props for now before they inevitably finish 10-6 and get knocked out in the first round of the playoffs.
2-5. The NFC East
Coming into Week 6, these four teams had a combined record of 14-5, with only one of those losses coming outside of the division (a fluke Bears win over the Eagles). The Giants look like the class of the division, but consecutive games against the Rams, Bengals, Seahawks and a Monday Nighter against the Browns will make a lot of teams look like they actually deserved to win a Super Bowl. The Cowboys and Redskins look legit, while the Eagles get bailed out of a mediocre ranking thanks to this decision to group the entire division together.
6. Denver Broncos
Jay Cutler is the Broncos new Superman. His only Kryptonite is diabetes and the lowly Chiefs.
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
Despite a myriad of injuries, the Steelers are kicking the (insert name of byproduct from Najeh Davenport’s visit to the closet) out of their opponents.
8. Buffalo Bills
The Bills are still undefeated in games when J.P. Losman doesn’t play.
9. Indianapolis Colts
Slow start aside, Marvin Harrison and the Colts still have all the weapons to dominate in the AFC. You know what I’m talking about, Marvin.
10. New England Patriots
With the Patriots still winning, rumors are swirling that Gisele Bundchen is leaving Tom Brady for Matt Cassel.
11. Carolina Panthers
Still not sold on the Panthers, but they’re off to their best start since going to the Super Bowl.
12. New Orleans Saints
When they aren’t getting Ed Hochuli-ed, the Saints are playing well enough to win.
13. San Diego Chargers
See New Orleans Saints.
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Having to choose between Jeff Garcia and Brian Griese is like having to choose between burning to death and drowning.
15. Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jags need to start running the ball like they’re capable of before they start running out of time.
16. Green Bay Packers
The Packers should invent a time machine, use it to go back to August when Brett Favre was still around, and trade him again just to prove a point. Aaron Rodgers and the injured Pack will recover and eventually win the North.
17. Chicago Bears
Orton!
18. Arizona Cardinals
With a career at Pick ‘n Save waiting for him when he retires, Kurt Warner has considered calling it quits. He’ll stick around as long the Cards have a chance in the NFC West, though.
19. New York Jets
Big off-season acquisitions like Alan Faneca, Kris Jenkins, and Calvin Pace should help the Jets coast through an easy schedule.
20. Baltimore Ravens
The defense is one of the league’s best, but Joe Flacco is no Trent Dilfer. Wait… is that a bad thing?
21. Minnesota Vikings
The Vikes will keep riding All Day (expect on Mondays) Adrian Peterson, but how far will he take them?
22. Atlanta Falcons
Sorry, Matt Ryan, but I just don’t buy it.
23. San Francisco 49ers
Alex Smith over Aaron Rodgers? Really?
24. Miami Dolphins
After just four games, the Phins doubled their win total from last year. Bill Parcells has things looking better in Miami, which as fine, as long as he stays away from Danny Lansannah!
25. Oakland Raiders
Fire Tom Cable.
26. Seattle Seahawks
Mike Holmgren is probably wishing he had retired… in 1997.
27. Houston Texans
You mean Ahman Green isn’t the answer?
28. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs have started the same quarterback in consecutive weeks only once this season.
29-30. The State of Ohio
The Browns and Bengals were a combined 1-8 heading into Week 6. Who had that one win? The Browns. Over the Bengals.
31. St. Louis Rams
Sigh…
32. Detroit Lions
Double sigh…
> Comments