Several Halloween gatherings are already being assembled throughout the area surrounding the dorms, and many have moved the party to Milwaukee.

Ladies, if you are interested in soiled and elderly men staring at your almost-exposed breasts and your long legs that are fastened by your hooker shoes, then select a scantily clad costume for this year’s Halloween.

If you’re under 21, wear that sexy little unit to a party where you can drink your heart out, instead of risking an underage ticket at the bars in Milwaukee.

Every year the police are increasing their severity in laying down the law on State Street, and this year University of Wisconsin students weren’t allowed to house even one guest in the dorms on Halloween night. Cops are trying to do everything in their power to deter underage drinking, so it’s best to avoid that scene and just keep partying in Milwaukee for the remainder of Halloween.

Several Halloween gatherings are already being assembled throughout the area surrounding the dorms, and many have moved the party to Milwaukee. The Milwaukee University Police have already stated that the Halloween weekend is one of the least busy party weeks of the year.

Apparently, they believe that most students will head off to Madison for the next couple of weekends, since the rumor is that Madison parties are better.

This, in fact, is only a rumor that leaves getting busted around the dorms a very low probability, as long as you are smart about your festivities. Why don’t you just buy some sluttish little outfit, say, maybe a nurse or a bumble bee, and get a few friends together for a wop party.

Unfortunately, most of you will have classes on Thursday morning, and will wait for the weekend to get annihilated and tremblingly crouch over a porcelain bowl for the leftovers of sundown.

On Wednesday night, Oct. 31, why don’t you curl up with some Jones Cream Soda and a classic thriller movie? Be crazy, get drilled this weekend, and don’t conceive a child while you sport that indecent attire.

Guys, you should choose an attractive female and pick out a costume that will make you look like an ass. After all, that’s what girls are fascinated with. Dress up as an ignorant football player or a self-absorbed rock star. As far as the emo scene goes, all punk rock kids should just go to the party in your everyday, black clothing, and pretend that you are actually normal for once.

You could just imagine that you only put 10 pounds of eyeliner on for this one night, and that you aren’t really gripped by the chains and the half-sleeve tattoos that you proudly display every waking moment.

Whatever happens, make this Halloween holiday a night you’ll remember and take some crazy pictures for your Facebook profile so that you can actually recall what might have happened.

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