Sword fights, swinging from ropes ship to ship, cannons, gold teeth…you name it, it was cool again. Long beards? In. Beads in the hair? So in. Hygiene? Who needs it? Not pirates, so you shouldn’t either.

Before we begin our adventure about pirates and ninjas today, let me say this: In the real world, ninjas would simply poison the rum of pirates. Hell, they probably did poison the rum of pirates.

Now that the real world has its answer to which faction would win, let us take a gander at the glamorized life of these to professions.

First of, we’ll take a peek at pirates. They have been glamorized in a multitude of media ranging from video games to books, but the one that stands out the most would have to be Captain Jack Sparrow of “Pirates of the Caribbean” fame.

Before Jack came along, pirates were losing the war against ninjas across college campuses around the world. The good kids with imagination had no one to turn to, no hero, if you will.

The best they could do was “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything”, which is being turned into a Veggie Tales movie (due out Jan. 11th, 2008 for you fanatics out there).

Capt. Jack made it cool to be a pirate again. The swash-buckling life of pillaging and drinking was granted a second life. Pirate supporters around the world rejoiced and the pirate/ninja war was back in full swing.

Sword fights, swinging from ropes ship to ship, cannons, gold teeth…you name it, it was cool again. Long beards? In. Beads in the hair? So in. Hygiene? Who needs it? Not pirates, so you shouldn’t either.

While this is a great comeback story, the ninja side has yet to be told. If you look back in time, when was being a ninja not cool? The answer? Never. Being a ninja was always cool, regardless of age or generation.

You can cite many famous ninjas through a vast majority of media for the past 20 or so years. Remember Tum Tum, Rocky and Colt from the “3 Ninjas”? Or how about Ryu Hayabusa from the “Ninja Gaiden” video game series?

Of course this list isn’t complete without citing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who have survived nearly every major media medium since before I was born. Even Batman is part ninja, as seen in “Batman Begins”.

Even the gear a ninja carries is cooler. A ninja sword (the ninja ken), throwing stars, tacks, poison, smoke pellets and a variety of bombs are just some of the things they carry. Don’t forget they are well-versed in a multitude of weapons, including nun-chucks and an assortment of concealed weapons.

Pirates have their plus sides as well, such as they can drink anyone under the table and probably procreate while in that condition. Pirates have no real formal training or real purpose other than to have fun (innocents be damned) so that part goes in their favor. But the longevity and timelessness of ninjas is not to be ignored. Ninjas win.

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