Continuing with the theme of Halloween, this week we turn to zombies and humans. You would think that humans would win this one with no problem with all their guns, logical thought and motor skills. Well, you would think, anyway.

Let’s take a closer look at why humans don’t utterly dominate the undead, and why zombies and humans are more alike than you think.

First off is how stupid humans are compared to zombies. No, you didn’t read that wrong. Think about how many movies you have seen where the lonely family trying to survive ends up dead in the long run. Happens all the time, right?

This is because humans underestimate zombies to the point of treating them like children (except for the blowing the heads off part…I hope none of you do that to your children).

Because of the lack of respect for zombies, humans wind up dead, or worse, one of the undead themselves. Now you’re royally screwed because all a zombie wants to do is eat…or do they? We’ll cover more on that later.

The movies portray zombies in a multitude of ways, ranging from the fast and maniacal (“28 Days Later,” which doesn’t technically have zombies, but we’ll count them anyway) to the slow and somber (“Night of the Living Dead”). Whatever the movie, the zombies all have the same attitude and goal. The humans, on the other hand, have a wide variety of personas, including the retired cop or the lonely little girl who has lost her family.

This leads to problems. Remember in “Dawn of the Dead” when that girl goes completely bonkers and tries to save her dog? That was a pretty stupid move, and you can put the blame on emotions.

Zombies don’t have to deal with that crap because their hearts stopped beating when they died. This means they can’t feel things like a broken heart because their hearts are already broken. It makes things easier that way.

Now, those are some differences, but zombies are just like humans in some ways, too. Think about some of the things you would want if a zombie outbreak occurred. Food would be on top of the list, right? You need some to stay alive for longer than a few days.

Zombies think about this sort of thing, too. In order for them to survive, they need nourishment. It’s just not the type of nourishment you would want.

Humans like to run a lot when a zombie outbreak occurs, which could be viewed as exercise. Zombies do this as well. While they don’t RUN per say (it’s more like an aggravated shuffle), they still are moving.

That fat dude at the truck stop they ate earlier isn’t going to work itself off, you know. If you’re a fat zombie you can’t catch anything, which means you die…again. A fit zombie is a happy zombie.

Zombies are also BETTER than humans in some ways. For instance, there is no racism in a group of zombies. One zombie isn’t going to rip an arm off another because of his color or race. That’s not important to him. Humans can be fickle though, and resent some people in their survival party because of their ethnic background. It’s a shame, really, because that could lead to their demise in the end.

This all comes down to survival and in the end zombies just do it better. They don’t fight with each other much; there is no oppression between them and very few goals to accomplish. The fewer goals mean they can concentrate more on achieving them.

Humans, on the other hand, are loud, intimidating towards one another, and have way too many things to do, in addition to just surviving.

Zombies win in the end. Slowly. They always do.

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