Even though he says that he is contented by a five minute phone conversation with his girlfriend, he is only wallowing in the sorrow ofonly being able hear her sultry voice.

The long-distance committed:
This young college individual, in desperate attempt to maintain the “over-the-phone” relationship with his flamboyant high-school sweetheart, locks himself inside of his dorm room with a bag of Cheetos and a cell phone. New friends of his, perhaps? Not for this champion of anti-social melancholy and blatant self-denial. Even though he says that he is contented by a five minute phone conversation with his girlfriend, he is only wallowing in the sorrow of only being able hear her sultry voice. Inevitably, the two engage in phone-sex and have become very good at it.

The committed:
Unfortunately, it’s hard for this guy to have any friends at all, due to the fact that his girlfriend is hanging on his shoulder every waking moment. Beneath the independent face that he puts on, he knows that he needs her. If he didn’t, then he would have to make friends all over again. He really tries hard, although it is difficult to love her chipped pink nail polish and her emotional breakdowns.

The “different zip code” connection:
The male in the relationship tries to get any action that he possibly can, while his girlfriend, hundreds of miles away, looks away whenever a remotely good looking guy passes her on the street. She trusts him and loves him with all of her heart. He didn’t answer her phone call because he was so deeply involved in his “homework.” Actually, he was just “deeply” involved in something else, and unless his homework involved the anatomy of a certain female body, he was purely lying.

The “fuck” buddy:
Seriously though, who doesn’t get horny for a physical fiasco in college? Maybe internet porn just doesn’t do it for you. The only problem with this approach to a physical association is that all too often one person always seems to fall harder into the relationship than the other does.

The over-zealous gay:
Wearing his designer sunglasses to evening parties, he refuses to hide his relationships behind closed doors. Always inebriated, he will disclose his sexual desires and ultimately come on to every male that is at this get-together. Gay pride is his number one goal in life, and he’ll be sure that every human being can see his public displays of affection with Mr. Right.

The “I still hope I see you…”:
They both go away to the same college, but the guy intends on playing the field and seeing what else is out there. He does want to see her once in a while, basically only for fifteen minutes, that is, if he can hold it that long. She eventually notices the bevy of great looking guys around her and quickly gets over him. He, however, has trouble finding a girl as great as she was.

The fearless warrior:
This guy is new to the dorms and believes that he’ll have great success with this fresh start. Unfortunately, his obsession with Lucy Lawless and his constant playing of “World of Warcraft” scares off all females except for a sweet, overweight high school girl who eats her feelings. They met at a party, and needless to say, she puts up with his Xena the Warrior Princess posters. Their friendship eventually turns into much more, and she satisfies him by using her imitation leather whip.

The “oops, I forgot to wear protection:”
This young, gorgeous girl wakes up to abdominal pains every morning. When she calls the douche bag that she seduced into a one-night stand while they were both intoxicated, she must tell him that the smiley face on her at-home pregnancy test means that she is with child. Five years later, as she stands in the Walmart check out line, bagging groceries, she wishes that she would have finished school. Daddy still sends child support and never seems to remember his daughter’s birthday. He slouches on the barstool and asks himself in a drunken stupor, “When was she born again?”

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