Although the quality of some of these movies is still up in the air, there’s no doubt in my mind that “The Dark Knight” will be the orgasmic film that the trailers make it out to be.

While some may spend July sweating the heat and singing “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” the other sane bunch of us will be seeking refuge inside the recycled air of our local theaters. Although the quality of some of these movies is still up in the air, there’s no doubt in my mind that “The Dark Knight” will be the orgasmic film that the trailers make it out to be. The seventh month of the year should go down a little like this.

July 2- “Hancock”
Level of Disappointment: Low expectations yield positive results.
Peter Berg, the director of superficially pleasing films like “The Rundown” and “The Kingdom,” has decided to take a slightly different stab at the superhero genre. Casting Will Smith as the lead, the film revolves around an alcoholic bum with the powers of Superman. The trailers look entertaining and Jason Bateman, the funniest B-lister in all the land, is always great.

July 11- “Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D”
Level of Disappointment: 3D glasses have yet to disappoint…right?
Countless directors have professed that 3D is the way of the future, and they’re absolutely right. Too bad the future is about as amazing as the inside of that lame sphere at Epcot Center. On the plus side, I’m sure Jules Verne would be thrilled to learn that his classic novel was being turned into a novelty film starring Brendan Fraser, whose work in “George of the Jungle” rivaled Ben Kingsley’s turn as Mohandas Gandhi.

July 18- “The Dark Knight”
Level of Disappointment: I will smite those without complete faith in this movie.
What more needs to be said? Take Christopher Nolan, one of the best directors of the past decade, add the most talented ensemble cast of the summer, and center it all around the most compelling superhero this side of Aquaman. If this movie doesn’t make over half a trillion dollars, I’m holding each and every one of you responsible.

July 25- “Step Brothers”
Level of Disappointment: Don’t hold your breath for this one.
“Will Farrell is a false prophet, and his humor has become a superstition.” That’s either a line from “There Will Be Blood,” or what I thought after watching the Roundy’s-bland trailer for “Step Brothers.” Farrell has all the potential in the world to step outside of his comfort zone and become a great actor, but like Adam Sandler, seems content with remaking the exact same film as the exact same character.

July 25- “The X-Files: I Want to Believe”
Level of Disappointment: The only thing disappointing is the title.
Although plot details have been kept tightly under wraps, all that really matters is that show-runner Chris Carter has written and directed a follow-up film to the series where questions never really got answered. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson climb out of cryogenic freezing to reprise their roles as agents Mulder and Scully. Fanboys rejoice: a throwback to the days of grunge music, Heisman winners-turned-murders and presidential emissions are upon us.

This column was originally planned to only run for three weeks, but it turns out that May through August actually encompasses four months. Quite a shocking revelation, to say the least.

Next week, we’ll come back for the actual final installment, which will cover the most anticipated comedy of the year, along with a movie called “The Midnight Meat Train.” If that doesn’t sound like a good time, then I don’t know what does.

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