It’s April in Wisconsin, which can only mean one thing: NFL draft fever is here! As the song goes—NFL draft, NFL draft, keep turning up the heat!—or something like that.

Indeed, the draft is just days away, so in order to get you prepped for a nice, long weekend indoors, I’ve put together the Official 2008 UWM Post Wink and a Nod Guesses as to “Which College Players Will Be Picked By Teams That Can Legally Pay Them Money and Where Exactly These Players Will Be Picked.” In layman terms, it’s a mock draft.

So if you really want to look like you’ve actually been paying attention to the draft these past few months, simply doing the crossword in the back of this paper before throwing it away will not suffice. Read “A Wink and a Nod” this week, and it just might be worth your while (meaning: maybe I will clue you in on a three-letter word for a flightless bird.) Without further emu –ahem, I mean ado – here are the picks.

1. Miami Dolphins - Someone named “Long”

Probably Jake Long, a tackle from Michigan. Or maybe Chris Long, Howie’s kid and a defensive end from Virginia. But probably Jake… or maybe Chris.

2. St. Louis Rams - Someone else named “Long”

Whichever Long is left.

3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU

Dorsey is a “Long” way away from being the number one pick (insert wink and a nod here), but he can make an impact in Atlanta for a “Long” time. Okay, that’s overkill.

4. Oakland Raiders - Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State

In my opinion, let's face it, Al Davis is always a wild card. A lot of people think it's Darren McFadden. I think it's the Shawne Merriman clone, Vernon Gholston, the defensive end-rush linebacker from Ohio State.

Just kidding, that wasn’t my opinion at all. I don’t know much about Gholston, so I’m just blatantly plagiarizing Mike Mayock at this point. I copied and pasted that entire paragraph from NFL.com.

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College

Brodie Croyle can’t possibly be the answer in KC, can he? The Chiefs will take Ryan because he’s an accurate and proven passer… and again, Mayock says so.

6. New York Jets - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Silly Jets fans, they’ll boo anything the team does here. They’re so emu (is your crossword done yet?) I mean emo. They’ll even boo one of the best athletes in the draft.

7. New England Patriots – Forfeited

Wait, even after being punished for cheating they still have the seventh overall pick? Wow. Then they can have Leodis McKelvin, a corner from Troy. (Note: the Patriots didn’t have to cheat to get this pick; for some reason, the 49ers thought they would be better than they were, which helped them justify swapping picks with the Pats in last year’s draft.)

Ravens… Bengals… Saints… the top 10 is getting boring. At the risk of making a mockery of this mock draft, let’s skip around to the NFC North.

14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois

This running back will stay in state, thus avoiding tolls. If not Mendenhall, probably one of two tackles: Ryan Clady from Boise State or Jeff Otah from Pittsburgh.

15. Detroit Lions - Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida

A lot of mocks have him headed to Minnesota. All the more reason for Detroit to nab him with pick 15. Harvey could improve the Lions defense A.S.A.P. (and that’s not a political endorsement).

17. Minnesota Vikings - Calais Campbell, DE, Miami

With Harvey possibly gone, the Vikes grab arguably the next best thing on the defensive line.

30. Green Bay Packers - Sam Baker, OT, USC

All right, I know, I’m ripping off Mayock… again. But last year he correctly predicted that the Packers would draft Justin Harrell, and somehow he was right. With Chad Clifton and Mark Tauscher aging fast, a tackle here would make sense. Likewise, a cornerback would be a nice addition, with Al Harris and Charles Woodson getting old and Jarrett Bush getting burned.

32. What the…?

There’s your draft. For picks 8-13, 16, 18-29, and 31, I suppose you’re on your own. For the picks above, though, feel free to study them, research them and, of course, mock them all you’d like.

And it’s emu. The three-letter word for flightless bird is emu.

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