Archived: Apr 21, 2008

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Breaking down the summer movies

The sequel

By Marty Sliva

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Remember to keep your expectations in check when you choose to see (or not to see) the following flicks.

I’m not going to lie to you: June isn’t looking so hot. Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure the temperature will be more sweltering than a sauna in Iran. The kind of hot I’m talking about is an abundance of great movies, and June looks to be frigid.

While last week’s installment of this column showed that May should be a month filled with blockbusters that are, at the very least, watchable, June is shaping up to be a bit of a mess.

While there a few hopeful films that might be great, the rest are looking fairly despicable. Remember to keep your expectations in check when you choose to see (or not to see) the following flicks.

June 6 – “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Level of Disappointment: Kill me.
The IMDb description for this movie reads, “A Mossad agent fakes his death so he can re-emerge in New York City as a hair stylist.” I’d rather give my $8 to a real Mossad agent then to this terrible, terrible sounding film. If you go and spend two hours in a dark theater with this movie, then you may have accomplished a feat more courageous than the invasion of Normandy.

June 13 – “The Incredible Hulk
Level of Disappointment: Expecting the worst, hoping for average.
After the train wreck that was Ang Lee’s “Hulk,” Edward Norton saw it as his duty as a fan of the big green monster to give him a fitting cinematic tribute. While my previous statement regarding a complete lack of faith in Marvel still stands, Norton rarely attaches himself to a project that doesn’t deliver. However, the fact remains that the clobbering machine just isn’t all that interesting of a character. Time will tell whether Mr. Norton can prove me wrong.

June 13 – “The Happening
Level of Disappointment: I have no idea what to think.
M. Night Shyamalan is a man who lacks consistency. For every one of his masterpieces, such as “Unbreakable” and “The Village” (yes, contrary to popular belief, “The Village” is an amazing film), there are complete duds like “Signs” or “Lady in the Water.” The plot is being kept fairly shadowy, but from what the trailer divulges, a global event occurs which makes the vast majority of the population suicidal and just flat out crazy. The movie does have a stellar class working for it, with the main roles being filled by Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel and John Leguizamo.

June 20 – “Get Smart
Level of Disappointment: Don’t get your hopes up.
I’d feel much better about this movie if it weren’t being helmed by people whose prior films include “Nutty Professor II: The Klumps” and “Failure to Launch.” As solid as the cast is, with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway taking up the leading roles, it’s tough for a group of actors to make a quality product if the writers and director don’t seem to have a humorous bone in their body. That might have been a pun.

June 27 – “WALL-E
Level of Disappointment: No need to worry.
Pixar has earned my trust over the past decade and a half to the point where quality in their films is simply a given. This film chronicles the titular maintenance robot that lives a life of monotony nearly a millennium into the future, until he discovers what his true purpose in life is. Frankly, the description of the movie could read like a list of soup ingredients, and I’d still have all the faith in the world that Pixar would release a beautiful gem that exudes creativity.

June 27 – “Wanted
Level of Disappointment: Morgan Freeman + guns can’t disappoint.
As June draws to a close, nothing will feel better than sitting down in an air-conditioned theater and watching some good old-fashioned gun fights. Helmed by Russian sensation Timur Bekmambetov, “Wanted” is adapted from the comic book of the same name that deals with a secret society of assassins that have the ability to defy gravity and logic in their killing. The trailer is frantic and entertaining, featuring curving bullets, acrobatic cars and a machete fight. Those three aspects alone have sold me on this film.

There you have it. June is looking to be a fairly lackluster month, but with enough booze in you, any one of these movies could be tolerable. Next week we’ll delve into the July, and profile what looks to be the single best movie of the summer.

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