Sex expert speaks to UWM students about empowerment, eroticism
Author discusses how she came to write about sex
By John Grant
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“You need to give yourself permission in order to be a sexual being and learn to value sex in your life,” Taormino said. “You have a right to be sexual and you need to claim it.”
Award-winning author, sex columnist, adult film producer and educator Tristan Taormino gave an informative, yet playful workshop about sexual empowerment April 16 in the Wisconsin room of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.
After an hour-long presentation, students were given the chance to anonymously write down questions and have them answered by the author of such books as “True Lust,” “Down and Dirty Sex Secrets” and “The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.”
Taormino began the event by explaining how she got into the business of writing about sex. After being rejected from 13 law schools that she applied to, her college advisor encouraged her to continue with the theme of her senior thesis, which unsurprisingly, was about sex.
The aspiring author began writing erotic fiction as a way to come out about some of her experiences, but was rejected by most of the publishers she sent her work to. It was around this time at the age of 24 that Taormino decided to start her own magazine.
“I was having trouble finding a venue for my sexually explicit writing,” Taormino explained. “So I went $75,000 in debt and called the first issue Pucker Up.”
Taormino then was approached with an offer to write a book after pitching an idea for “best lesbian erotica” to a publisher. She was told to write about a specific topic relating to sexuality and, to the surprise of her publishers, decided on anal sex.
“I was frustrated because I would usually only find a paragraph at the most about it in other sex books,” Taormino offered. “I love anal sex and I wanted others to learn about it.”
After accepting the proposal, Taormino began studying anal anatomy and interviewing subjects for her book. Once the book was completed, she met with the publishers and marketing executives who were less than enthusiastic about her work.
Taormino described the salespeople as having “panicked looks” on their faces and told her that no one would buy her book. She said she had to get creative in order to get her book in stores and began holding meet and greets at sex shops around New York City. Her tactics worked and the author began building a loyal following.
Following the success of the book, Taormino began toying with the idea of making a movie counterpart after being approached about it from others. After being turned down by most of the porn industry, Taormino was contacted by porn legend John Stagliano, a.k.a. “Buttman.” He told her he wanted to make the film and told her to meet him at the annual porn convention in Las Vegas.
Taormino said her goal was to show all women how to perform and enjoy anal sex, and began picking actors who were passionate about the act. It was during this time that Taormino decided she wanted to be in the film.
“It was a total fantasy fulfillment,” Taormino said. “Plus I got to pick everyone who was in it and what they did to me, so it was the perfect scenario for making a porno.”
The four hour long, two VHS tape film won awards from the adult film industry and got a lot of attention in general, but afterwards Taormino decided to work in a female-owned, feminist sex shop called Toys in Babeland.
In order to work in the store, employees had to complete a sex education training program in order to deal with customer questions and properly provide suggestions. It was here that Taormino got the idea for her next book, “Down and Dirty Sex Secrets.”
“I was told some of the most private, intimate details by the customers from Babeland,” Taormino said. “You really had to know your stuff.”
In the second half of her presentation, Taormino laid out her steps to achieving sexual empowerment, with the first one being knowledge. The sexpert said that the current policy in schools across the nation is one that withholds information instead of dispersing it.
Taormino cited recent Centers for Disease Control statistics that say one out of four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. She said this was partially due to the conservative mindset that says if kids don’t know about sex, they won’t have it.
“I feel this disenpowers (sic) people and takes away your fundamental right to know,” Taormino said. “Knoweldge is power.”
Other steps on the way to empowerment included permission, authenticity, masturbation, protection, confidence, boundaries, communication and satisfaction.
Taormino considers sexual education to be at the core of her work and said her goal has always been to educate and empower people. She said that we live in a “sex saturated media culture” and we need to learn to accept sex as a powerful part of our lives.
“You need to give yourself permission in order to be a sexual being and learn to value sex in your life,” Taormino said. “You have a right to be sexual and you need to claim it.”
> Comments
Senator Ohler on Apr 22, 2008 at 01:24 PM:
To those who complain that this year’s student government has been too biased, know that funding for this speaker’s honorarium came from the Student Association.
but seriously on Apr 22, 2008 at 04:25 PM:
To those who are senator Ohler, buy some new glasses and shampoo
Senator Ohler on Apr 22, 2008 at 04:47 PM:
My wire frames are perpetually stylish among the conservative element, and the luster of my coif is due to the fact that I wet down my hair throughout the day to maintain the style I want.
but seriously on Apr 22, 2008 at 05:00 PM:
If your going to be that vain at least look good
Senator Ohler on Apr 22, 2008 at 06:48 PM:
Or maybe you can have some taste for once : )
but seriously on Apr 22, 2008 at 06:53 PM:
When was the last time one of the ladies ran her hands through that coif of yours? Sedition isn’t sexy Olden
Typo I know the point still stands on Apr 22, 2008 at 06:54 PM:
Ohler*
Senator Ohler on Apr 23, 2008 at 08:30 AM:
It's a good thing I don't hinge my self-worth on matters such as that.
but seriously on Apr 23, 2008 at 10:34 AM:
what does your self-worth hinge on? How many sedition acts your authorize, or how many $13,000 trips you go on. Is that why you're still hanging around college & staying in SA, because you know you're FUCKED when any one in the real world see's your resume? How old are you dude? Get on with your life already!
Senator Ohler on Apr 23, 2008 at 11:08 AM:
Shows what you know...I did not go on the New York trip. http://www.uwmpost.com/article/52/27/3388-Student-Association-trip-costs-12-738-57 Good luck making yourself more competent and worthwhile, if such a feat is possible : )
awww on Apr 23, 2008 at 12:08 PM:
Ouch this means even your critics don't pay attention to you
Senator Ohler on Apr 23, 2008 at 06:42 PM:
The real irony here is that all attempts to ridicule me have made me look even better in comparison to my detractors. I do enjoy countering your collective pedestrian straw-grasping. You should test run your putdowns before embarrassing yourself on these online bulletin boards. Buy a better insult book; you can start by looking in the Yellow Pages.
an un-senator on Apr 24, 2008 at 01:35 AM:
wow.
what a fantastic tread.
World Over on Apr 24, 2008 at 09:02 AM:
Joe Ohler (SUFC) - 563 All is lost. Joe Ohler (SUFC) - 563 All is lost. Joe Ohler (SUFC) - 563 All is lost. Joe Ohler (SUFC) - 563 All is lost. Joe Ohler (SUFC) - 563 All is lost.
wow on Apr 24, 2008 at 10:58 AM:
"Buy a better insult book" is a horible comeback and yeah dude how old are you, grow up and graduate already, get a real job.... start by looking for that in the Yellow Pages
Senator Ohler on Apr 24, 2008 at 04:07 PM:
You're only a college student once (unless you go back to prepare for another career), so I am going to take as long as I want. Trying to make me do otherwise is a lost cause, much like your comebacks. You obviously don't mind feeding my ego by dedicating an entire thread to me : )
Dustin Wales on Apr 25, 2008 at 09:37 PM:
Is anyone going to talk about this article, because I know I am. This article disgusts me and makes me feel very foolish for sinking thousands of dollars into this university for my education. I wish I would have spent more time and effort going to a school where funds went to education more and anal sex workshops less. Furthermore, it is disturbing how little intelectual arguements there are in support of anal sex and many other "liberal ideals."
The logic for the practice goes something like this; "we need to feel in control of our body and sexual practices, we need to feel good about ourselves, we need to not feel so restricted by things like religion or traditions." (Notice I put the word "feel" in there repeatedly because that is the basis for all arguments such as these). When in actuality the practice of anal sex leads to many unwanted conditions and many things that should not be being supported by state tax dollars. Through the little reading I conducted on the topic it seems like many hold the very "open stance" that anal sex is a wonderful thing, however they all make sure to tell you to "lube up" really well... any idea of why they may be saying that? Because the anus is not designed for sex! Rippin sensitive tissue is not a "evolutionary step forward." For pete's sake people, if something needs an artificial enhancement to not be 100% detrimental to the health of a human being DON'T DO IT! What would Ms. "My fantasy from childhood is to be in a porn video" Taormino tell people in impoverished countries where condoms or lubricant are not as readily available? Would she really promote this practice there? So if not, what makes it a morally acceptable practice once we were able to develope lubricants and condoms? The morals of the "liberals" are not simply lacking complexity and thought... but they are all together non-existent.
Furthermore, personal attacks on individuals is a sign of unintelligence, just like swearing is. Both are used in replacement of logical arguments and thought provoking dialogue.
Sincerely, Dustin Wales