If the Pirates possess a winning record at the end of this year, some one should notify the pope because that will constitute a true miracle.

1. Where will Barry Bonds end up? As of right now, he still remains unsigned, and even though he carries more emotional and legal baggage than Britney Spears, the old man can still hit. Players’ Union head Donald Fehr will begin investigating whether the owners have colluded against Bonds in their refusal to sign him, another storyline to monitor and yet another chapter in the career of Barroid Bonds.

2. The Pittsburgh Pirates have a chance to break a record in 2008. Yes, that sentence is correct; it contains both the word Pirates and the word record. From 1933 to 1948, the Phillies did not post a winning record, a concept baseball fans from Milwaukee are all too familiar with. The Pirates have not had a winning season since 1993 and only won 68 games last year. If they possess a winning record at the end of this year, some one should notify the pope because that will constitute a true miracle. Turning the Pirates into a winning team is just as impressive as turning water into wine.

3. The Chicago Cubs need to win a World Series this year to avoid 100 consecutive years without a title. Hell, if they win one playoff series they will match their total for the last century. A Cub sighting in October is about as rare as an accurate jump shot by Dominic James.

4. Mark Prior tricked another franchise into thinking he can pitch. A fixture on the DL for pretty much his entire career in Chicago, he convinced the San Diego Padres to actually pay him for being injured. How smart is this guy? He plays one season for the Cubs, and the rest of his professional career he collects paychecks for visiting hospitals. Whatever he studied at USC, I want to major in it as well.

5. Ryan Braun is going to slump. He has to. People expect him to hit 50 homeruns and bat .350. Not going to happen, especially if he bats behind Prince Fielder rather than in front of him, because that steady diet of fastballs will turn into curveballs and other off-speed stuff.

A combination of the fact that he is too free-swinging and the fact that there will be more comprehensive scouting reports of him will result in the dreaded sophomore slump. The Brewers will be good; just do not expect Ryan Braunasorous to be the second coming of Babe Ruth; not yet anyways.

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