Yo, did you hear? Some douchebags in Congress are totally trying to put a ban on all waterboarding.

What kind of bull crap is that? It’s like, I’m totally being cock-blocked by the law, just because I like to go “boarding on some waves.” Whether you’re a wake- or a surfboarder, this ban idea has GOT to get you pissed off.

It’s not like the law hasn’t been on my back before. Like, sometimes when the waves are too low, I call up my brah Sancho and we try our hands at skateboarding. I’m not that great at it, but since I’m alright at surfing, I can at least pull off a decent 180 or 360 off a stairway railing.

That is, until Johnny Law comes over and confiscates my board ‘cuz I’m causing a “public disturbance.” F’n rent-a-cop.

Whatevs – back to the water-boarding ban. Congress wants to ban all forms of it ‘cuz they think it’s a type of torture or some stupid crap. Ch’ya – maybe to a newbie it’s torture. But for a seasoned semi-pro like myself, the only torture is the off-season. And that’s only if I decide not to hit some waves in Hawaii that year.

Like that’ll happen.

Some of these d-bags in Congress say we need to be a shining example for the world to follow, and that a ban on waterboarding is a good thing. Others say we’re at war and that we need to use all the resources we have to win it.

I don’t give a flying **. I just want to go boarding, brah!

So here I am, sitting on the beach, just wondering when it will be when the stupid government’s gonna ban all other forms of recreation I love – like being a mallrat, playing my music real loud at night, or even smoking a bong in my parents’ basement when they’re out of town. What bus’ness is it if I get an occasional high once in awhile, be it from Mary Jane or a kick ass 20-foot wave?

The ban on waterboarding has got to end. Gimme that board – I’m leading a resistance.

After my tan, that is. Hey – a bro’s gotta look good when he’s perfecting his craft.

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