On Monday, March 3, Hank Steinbrenner announced in a short press conference something that, apparently, he had been hiding from his family for years; he is a Boston Red Sox fan.

“I can no longer hide my true feelings” said Hank wearing a signed David Ortiz jersey. “It has been years coming and now, with my true friends surrounding me, I can finally admit to myself and my family who I am really am.”

Hank, the son of King George Steinbrenner took over the crown when his father stepped down after the end of the 2007 season for unknown reasons. While without his father’s inexplicable appetite for big name players, Hank has inherited his father’s ability to make headlines.

After boggling the attempt to get Cy Young pitcher Johan Santana, Hank proceeded to tote his teams excellence, yelling across the practice field that “my team could kick your team’s ass!”

When asked about these hi-jinks, Hank said that he was masking his true feelings. “I actually think this team is awful. I spend more on steroids for the players than I do on equipment. The Red Sox just seem a much classier team.”

John Henry, owner of the Boston Red Sox, was in attendance for the press conference. When asked how he felt about Hank’s feelings, John said “Who the hell is this guy?”

David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez and Jason Varitek were also in attendance, but were too overcome with emotion to talk about Hank’s new team commitment. Star closer Jonathon Papelbon honored the occasion with a dance of his homeland, Baton Rouge, La.

King George could not be reached, but his jester Brian Cashman said that King George would likely disown Hank. “He has always felt something was wrong with the boy,” said Cashman via telephone. Hal Steinbrenner, the youngest son of King George, could not be reached.

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