In a surprising turn of events, suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Mike Vick donated his house to be transformed into an animal shelter for dogs. Previously, Vick remained best known not only for his apparent avoidance of winning games, but also for his well-documented cruelty towards man’s best friend. However, times have changed and so has Vick.

“I’m a changed man. I love dogs. All kinds of dogs; big dogs, little dogs, hot dogs, even Underdog. Don’t matter to me.”

When asked what prompted such an epiphany, Vick responded “I don’t know what that means.”

After rewording the question so the convicted dog killer could comprehend the question, he responded.

“Well, I had a dream, you know, those things you get when you sleep, and Clifford came to me in the dream ad said ‘You killed my parents.’” It was then I realized I had to change my ways”

The exiled quarterback’s house in Virginia, once a hotbed for death by electrocution for many dogs, now becomes an oasis of healing for lost and abused canines. In addition to donating the house, Vick will also provide additional funding to renovate the residence and hire qualified staff.

“I probably would have just spent that cash on weed anyways. Man, that s**t is good.”

Hopefully this altruistic gesture by the former Virginia Tech star garners positive publicity for him. In an era where athletes juice up on steroids and get caught with firearms, Vick simply assists mistreated animals for the benefit of society, yet still is getting crucified in the media

“Sure, I got caught with pot at the airport. Hell, it’s good s**t! And yes, I killed some dogs, but who doesn’t get the urge now and then to murder a couple hundred now and then. Bottom line, compared to other athletes, like that pretty boy Peyton Manning, I’m a saint.”

Actually Mike Vick, you are a suspended Falcon, not a saint. But with this newfound act of charity combined with a slim chance of ever donning the Falcon uniform again due to ill-advised recreational activities and inability to actually win, perhaps you will become a saint; a New Orleans Saint.

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