Witnesses claim that the bro urinated some 14 times on area mailboxes and porches along with, what could be best described as, “having a close personal relationship” with a Volkswagen automobile parked on the street.

Wild rabid bro devastated women and children around Newberry Boulevard on the East Side until its ultimate demise at the hands of police and an automobile.

Area East Side mothers and children were scared back in to their houses on Wednesday, March 13, when a rabid bro terrorized the neighborhood for a four-hour period as it darted across yards and crisscrossed through automobile traffic, reigning havoc for the community.

It had been reported that the bro, foaming at the mouth, showed up in the neighborhood barking that he was out of “Natty Ice” and “he can’t understand why Brett is leaving him” to police at 4:30 p.m.

The complaint said that the dementia of the disease had obviously set in, as no creature would dress in that manner nor throw small bags filled with beans up and down the sidewalk.

The beast was described as a well groomed animal, most likely abandoned by its owners because they couldn’t provide the necessary Tag needed to cover up the beast’s inability to become properly house trained.

Local student Meredith Franzoni claimed to have seen the beast.

“I saw it come through the backyard and up to the side door of our four-bedroom flat,” said Ms. Franzoni. “It stood there barking at its reflection in the door window and saying ‘you wanna fight or something?’ I was petrified and prayed that I locked the door when I came back from finishing school.”

Witnesses claim that the bro urinated some 14 times on area mailboxes and porches, along with what could be best described as “having a close personal relationship” with a Volkswagen automobile parked on the street.

The beast’s ultimate demise came when it attempted to dart in between the oncoming traffic and was struck by an automobile that failed to react to the unpredictable mongrel. The driver of the vehicle, Michael Gregorovich, was unharmed, and said that he was glad he didn’t hit a human being.

“I would have felt really bad if I had hit a little child or an old lady, but this isn’t so bad,” said Mr. Gregorovich. “I just don’t want to know how much it’s going to be to get the dents out of my car.”

Unable to walk, the bro lay in the street singing “Crazy Game of Poker” by O.A.R. until police arrived on the scene.

Upon arrival the police deemed the beast would be unable to survive with its injuries and they choose to put it down with a bullet to the head.

“I’m just glad that we were able to get here before any person was harmed,” said Police Officer Chet Chipney.

Onlookers have said that the bro didn’t appear to be rabid. There was no foaming of the mouth. They said he appeared to be just another drunken, incoherent douche bag that lives in the area.

No one has stepped forth to claim the bro.

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