“*What’cha gonna do on July 4, when Obamania runs wild on you?*”
- Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL)

Still mired in a virtual stalemate for the democratic nomination, Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have agreed to settle their deadlock in the most American way possible, an arm wrestling match.

According to several sources, during a down moment in their respective campaigns, one of Clinton’s chief advisors quipped that no one could seriously protect the nation in this era of terrorism with such weak, flabby arms.

Enraged by another example of what the Obama camp refers to as “more dirty Clinton politics,” the comments have created a firestorm that will culminate in the contest, which is slated to take place on our nation’s birthday, July 4, on the docks of Boston Harbor, according to event promoter Don King.

“This event will go down as the most incredible, inconceivable, incorrigible, interminable and insane extravaganza in this nation’s history, and probably the world,” said King.

Shortly following the announcement of this epic and unprecedented event, Sen. Clinton called a news conference, clearly attempting to send a message to her challenger. Sporting a breathtakingly chiseled physique and wearing a business suit with the arm sleeves cut off, Clinton all but guaranteed victory before the stunned crowd.

“Look at this body, look at these arms!” bragged a confident Clinton, who proceeded to talk to reporters by flexing her massive 17-inch biceps. “I will break him on July 4,” Clinton said.

Several inside sources have marveled at Clinton’s rigorous training regimen, which include hours of hundred pound barbell curls and intense film breakdowns of Sylvester Stallone’s “Over the Top.”

Sen. Obama was initially taken aback by the Clinton’s bombastic arrogance and remained relatively quiet in regards to the contest, instead deciding to focus on his preparation and let his “gunz” do the talking.

However, at a recent news conference, the reserved Obama finally opened up about what he called “the greatest challenge of my career.” When asked if he actually had a chance to defeat the heavily favored Clinton, who Las Vegas odds makers have made a 2 to 1 favorite, an incredulous Obama had this to say before the skeptical masses.

“Can I beat Sen. Clinton? Yes I can,” said Obama simply and resolutely.

His critics pressed him on the subject, with one reporter remarking how Obama’s toned but decidedly less massive biceps could possibly match up with the raw power of Hillary. Following this exchange, it was clear that the Illinois challenger had had enough.

“I am a strong man! Anyone in here come take a run at me!” Obama said, his voice rising.

He then looked straight into the television cameras and offered one defiant question for his democratic adversary.

“I got just one question for you Hillary. What’cha gonna do? What’cha gonna do on July 4, when Obamania runs wild on you?”

He then ripped his $400 Dolce & Gabbana dress shirt apart with his bare hands and sauntered out of the conference, and has not been seen publicly since.

The event will be available on C-SPAN and Pay-per-view.

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