Student barricades himself in dorm room

In the midst of flu season, a UWM freshman male barricaded himself in his dorm room for two days, stating that “he is too important to get sick”. He is so important that the Post didn’t even bother to get his name for the story, because he is a freshman and doesn’t matter. We hope he failed out.

Student Association office locked up by authorities

UWM police locked the Student Association office on Friday to seize evidence for a possible embezzlement scandal. Oh wait, our bad, that was last year. Good job SA!

A person you could care less about comes to speak at UWM

This Friday, March 28 a person you’ve never heard of will be speaking in one of the rooms you’ve never been in, about something of little to no interest and definitely will have nothing to do with drinking beer or playing video games. The event will occur at a time completely inconvenient to you and will be free because no one in their right mind would pay to see it. The event is sponsored by another one of those organizations you have never heard of.

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