…am incredibly thirsty, and realize I still have a half hour before the Sandburg Grind closes. I trudge along down to the first floor. The menu stares at me as if it is laughing.

Comedian/filmmaker Mark Malkoff dreamt of visiting, purchasing and consuming products from each of Manhattan's 171 Starbucks. After over 21 hours and $370 later, Malkoff had completed his challenge on June 30, 2007 at 2:56 a.m.

Being a college student, I have neither the time, nor money for a Milwaukee version of this endeavor. However, I do have the means to complete a University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee interpretation.

On Monday March 3, 2008, I visited the five locations of the Grind, UW-Milwaukee's “coffee chain,” and made at least one purchase at each. I took the challenge a step further by vowing not to eat or drink anything unless it was from the Grind for those 24 hours. From the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep, the challenge was on.

Welcome to my Grind challenge:

Monday March 3, 2008
9:45 a.m.- I'm feeling great this morning. I had my early class cancelled and took full advantage of the extra sleep I was able to sneak in. I decided I should take my heart rate at various times to see how my heart handles my coffee shop diet today. It is currently at 68 beats per minute

9:55 a.m.- I made my way down to the Sandburg Grind for a morning cup of java. I went for my usual 16 ounce turtle mocha latte for $3.50 (note: I love that by using my meal plan, I do not get charged for tax. If only everything in life were on a meal plan).

10:00 a.m.- I scurry up to my room, excited to sit down with the ladies of ABC's “The View” and my turtle mocha.

11:45 a.m.- I’ve finished getting ready for class. I'm still feeling alert, but having downed my latte within a matter of 15 minutes has caused some jitters to take over my arms. I've had this feeling before, and the quick fix is to get some food in my stomach. I grabbed my bag and jaunted over to Golda Meir Library.

12:10 p.m.- At the library, staring me straight in the eyes was a raspberry scone. I also picked out a 16 ounce white chocolate raspberry mocha latte. The two together equal $5.05.

12:50 p.m.- My latte is completely gone, and I have started in on my scone. I am feeling chipper as a bird and am starting to bounce a little in my seat as class continues. About halfway through my scone, I stop and close my eyes. When I open them, I have a haze around me and am suddenly very aware of the 32 ounces of coffee in my stomach.

I look at the clock and as each minute passes, my throat begins to constrict. Knowing I need to finish my scone so coffee is not the only thing I'm feeding off of, I literally force-feed myself the once delectable now over-bearing mound of flour and raspberries that sits on my lap.

1:45 p.m.- My friend, Dana, was in class with me and offered to walk with me over to the Engineering and Mathematical Sciences building to hopefully find something at its Grind without sugar or caffeine in it.

1:50 p.m.- I see a cooler to the side of the counter, and I curiously peak inside. There was a completely unappetizing sandwich on the left. However, on the right was a beautiful tray of vegetables with ranch dip. I have never known vegetables to be this tantalizing before. The heavenly aura that surrounds the peppers and celery sell me instantly. I pay the $4.35 and make my way out.

2:00 p.m.- I decide to hit up the Union's Grind before heading back to the dorms, realizing my mobility is decreasing by the minute at this point. I pick up a cherry Italian soda and slice of lemon poppy seed bread for a grand total of $3.30.

I begin to attempt eating the bread, using the soda as a moist-maker. With that, I begin my walk back to Sandburg. I am a 5 foot 9 inch tall girl, weighing in at a meager 120 pounds. Yet right now, I feel 4 feet tall and 200 pounds.

2:15 p.m.- As I am walking, my body begins burning up like a fiery furnace. I rip off my winter wear, leaving only my jacket, which is completely unzipped. Others struggle to stay warm as the wind blows by while I feel like 50 year-old woman with hot flashes.

Instantly, my heart begins to pierce with pain, and continues to pierce as I make my way to my room. I lie down and continue cringing, but the pain goes from a needle poke feeling into a complete jab and twist in the center of my heart. It wouldn't stop.

2:20 p.m.- I take my heart rate for the second time, and can't believe the result. My heart rate has doubled up to 136 bpm.

I begin to point a fan directly at me full speed. It takes a long time for my body temperature to calm down. I grabbed some carrots and ranch dressing and began to chow down.

2:45 p.m.- I'm slowly eating the vegetables, but it becomes more and more difficult. My body feels like an earthworm lying paralyzed on pavement.

3:30 p.m.- I know I need to eat some sort of starch with little sugar in it. I remember the bagels I saw this morning at the Sandburg Grind and make my way to the elevator. I fall onto the counter, holding myself up by my elbows, and ask for the second last bagel they have in the case, a cinnamon-raisin bagel with regular cream cheese (ironically my favorite) for $1.42.

When I make it back up to my room, I smile inside looking at the bagel. Within minutes I eat half of the bagel with ease. All I had to do was imagine it was a burger smothered in mayonnaise. Mmm, how I wish it were so. The other half I save for dinner, along with the remainder of my vegetables.

As I look around my room, awaiting my ride to the final Grind, I see all of the food I have stashed around it. It's so close yet so far away, and temptation begins to take over me. The hunger demons begin churning my stomach again, but I need to remain strong.

5:20 p.m.- I go the extra mile to complete this challenge, well, technically two. As I enter the RiverView Grind, I am impressed by the quaintness. I ask for a $1.95 strawberry Italian soda. This is the only thing at this point that I could even think to drink. As we drive back to the dorms, my driver decides to grab himself Jimmy Johns. I give him the death glare of a lifetime as I sip my drink.

6:00 p.m.- At the dorms, I take my heart rate again, this time at 104 bpm. Thankfully my heart is recovering from the massive heart attack I suffered four hours previous. OK, maybe it was only a stroke.

7:15 p.m.- I find a sudden bit of strength to eat the rest of my vegetables and bagel for dinner. After my last bite of cucumber, I can barely pay attention to the phone call I receive from my mother, I can barely pay attention to the TV, and most of all, I can barely stay awake at all.

8:30 p.m.- I am incredibly thirsty, and realize I still have a half hour before the Sandburg Grind closes. I trudge along down to the first floor. The menu stares at me as if it is laughing. I purchase my final item, a $3.95 strawberry smoothie, and walk away as fast as my legs can handle.

10:00 p.m.- I take my heart beat, 92 bpm, before bed. With this, I set my alarm, put on my pajamas, and blackout.

Tuesday March 4, 2008
8:50 a.m.- I wake up to my alarm. Feeling like I am in the middle of the worst hangover. I get ready, and take my heart rate for a final time. It clocks in at 80 bpm.

The rest of my morning was spent drinking water, eating substantial food, and no caffeine or sugar. My body is fatigued, weak, and just plain spent.

Looking back on the events of that day, I still cannot believe that it is finally over. So many times I thought it would never end. Despite how simple the task seemed at first glance, reality proved otherwise. It didn't matter if I ate more or less, the pain wouldn't cease.

I spent Tuesday eating everything I could get my hands on. By the end of the night, I drank six bottles of water to re-hydrate myself. I can only imagine the Starbucks detox Malkoff endured, that is, if he ever woke up from his coffee coma.

Twenty-four hours, $23.52, and a java hangover later, my Grind challenge was complete. Hallelujah.

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