I must say that Rob Zombie’s remake lies somewhere between a travesty and a debacle.

The only way I could possibly begin this review is by expressing how much I love the original “Halloween.” John Carpenter took a concept that seemed to be as simple as could be, and turned it into one of the greatest horror films of all time. From the memorable music, to the lighting, to the fact that Michael Myers simply existed as “The Shape,” the film holds up over the past three decades like few do.

Now that I have got that out of my system, I must say that Rob Zombie’s remake lies somewhere between a travesty and a debacle.

There’s no denying that Zombie has talent behind the camera. Despite varying successes, his previous films (“House of 1000 Corpses” and “The Devil’s Rejects”) have a visual style that combines the raw energy of a ‘70s exploitation film with the imagination of a turn-of-the-century auteur. This being said, “Halloween” is the most unnecessary remake since Gus Van Santa’s carbon copy of “Psycho.”

The basic premise of both the original “Halloween” and the remake is incredibly straight forward. A kid goes nuts one Halloween night and murders a family member (in the case of the remake, members). Fifteen years later, he escapes from the mental institution and ends up killing a whole bundle of horny teenagers.

In 1978, the premise was actually original. In 2007, it sounds like a straight-to-video masterpiece of epic proportions.

In an attempt to humanize the killer, Zombie decided to devote half of the movie to his childhood. This segment is probably the worst 45 minutes of any movie in years. To the surprise of all, Michael Myers had a rough childhood. His mother was a stripper, his sister hated him, his step-father was an abusive drunk and the kids at school picked on him - originality at its finest.

Also, due to Rob Zombie’s bizarre infatuation with hillbillies, the family is portrayed as a group of bumbling misfits who just moved from Incest, Kentucky. This would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that the film is supposed to take place in Illinois, which is not commonly known for being hillbilly country.

Luckily, redemption is found in what will definitely be remembered as one of the funniest moments of the year.

Too bad it was completely unintentional.

When Michael is left alone on Halloween with no one to take him trick-or-treating, he plops himself on the curb and begins to cry. Suddenly, Nazareth’s awesomely terribly cover of “Love Hurts” starts blaring in the background. Shots of Michael crying are mixed with shots of his mom giving some scummy-looking dudes a lap dance.

It doesn’t bode well for a film when its best moment comes from a horribly misused song.

As far as acting goes, none of the performers really seem to be that excited about being in the movie. Malcolm McDowell (“A Clockwork Orange”) is only there for the paycheck, and everyone else seems to realize that they are currently acting in a mess of a movie.

The second half of the movie is an abridged rehashing of the original “Halloween.” This segment consists of the exact same characters, shots and deaths used in the original. Why make a movie whose first half is comprised of clichéd boredom and whose second half is simply reused ideas that worked perfectly three decades ago? I don’t have the answer to that, but maybe Mr. Zombie does.

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