A lot of people tend to mistake immediate attraction and fleeting emotional connections for something that is deeply significant. If people talked to one another more they’d see that that kind of thing is not really as rare as everybody thinks it is.

I always found it strange how people were able to stay in bad relationships...until I got myself into one. It’s extremely hard to just walk away from something that you’ve invested so much into financially and especially emotionally. The problem is that some people just don’t see the warning signs in time, or they do and they either fear being alone or they fear that they won’t find somebody better.

Relationships usually tend to become a lot like bear traps: Once you’re in, you’re kind of stuck. Personally, I blame my personal romantic failings on both myself and the stuff that I’ve been spoon fed ever since I was little – the stuff about how there is that one person out there who will complete you, and nothing will ever be able to touch you again.

The problem with that bit is that it’s completely limiting. A lot of people tend to mistake immediate attraction and fleeting emotional connections for something that is deeply significant. If people talked to one another more they’d see that that kind of thing is not really as rare as everybody thinks it is.

Having fun and having a few things in common is great, yeah, but if you’ve ended up in a situation where you feel completely trapped by the other it’s a good sign that the time has come to get out of it. Few people really seem to understand that real relationships are not supposed to be about dominance, and they are definitely not about designated holidays on which the good little sigoth boys will go out and buy flowers.

Real relationships are supposed to be about two people who enjoy each other’s company. Both parties, in spite of the outdated sexist ideas that only men should pay for dates or that women need to put out for a Happy Meal dinner and a value flick, cling to this dumb idea of a power balance as if it were their only safe haven in a toilet bowl full of sharks.

I have been both victim and victimizer with the whole mind games thing, and believe me, no matter how much hope you may have that things will get better, they rarely do. Once somebody gets a foothold and realizes that they can hold something over you, they will milk it for everything it’s worth.

Emotional manipulators can become physical abusers, and vice versa (sometimes people who hit their sigoths revert to the former for the sake of feigning improvement). Nobody should have to put up with that, and it makes me insane that there are people out there who are actually willing to prey on a person’s concern for them so they can feel better about themselves.

I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but I am at least somewhat optimistic regarding the concept that real love or whatever may actually exist. It takes a lot of work to get to that point, I’m sure, but I do believe in it.

The trick is to know the difference, and to know that the path to love is not paved with emotional and physical abuse. They can pull the whole “I love you so much; I don’t mean to do this to you” card all they want, but they won’t change if they don’t realize that what they’re doing is horribly, horribly wrong.

So, here is my Valentine’s gift to all you people. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, leave. It’s that simple. Abusive people, both physical and emotional, do not change, and waiting around for them to do so is only limiting your own self-development and destroying your self-esteem.

Some chains are put on you by other people, but most of them are the ones that you just won’t unlock, even if you’re holding the key.

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