Bart Simpson’s penis!

If that didn’t get your attention, then nothing will.

“The Simpsons Movie” has funny parts, but it’s still like watching a long episode. Sadly, it’s not an older, better episode but a newer, unfunny one. However, you do get to see an animated penis.

In case someone is unfamiliar with the Simpsons family, here are the five elements that have made the cartoon a cultural icon.

Homer is the lazy, fat, drunk, stupid father. Marge is the worried, caring, affectionate mother. Bart is the rebellious, hilarious, skateboarding punk of an older brother. Lisa is the smart, concerned, younger sister. Maggie is the baby who doesn’t speak, but stay until the after the credits for a little surprise.

The movie kicks off with a message from God that Grandpa Simpson delivers while writhing in church. It’s your standard doomsday message with a prediction that Springfield will cease to be.

There’s a patchy relationship between father and son because Homer has adopted a pig who is known as Spider Pig or Harry Plopper. The pig in turn fills up a silo with his poop.

Homer decides to trash the silo in the already severely polluted lake, turning the town into an unlivable area. So what does the government do under Arnold Schwarzenegger’s presidential nose?

Put a glass dome over the city, driving the township to insanity.

Homer and the family are blamed for the town’s problems so they escape through a sinkhole in the back yard.

Convenient.

It’s really too bad that “The Simpsons” dynasty is coming to an end. My childhood memories have been tarnished. Everyone knew that this was coming as soon as “Family Guy” started and “The Simpsons” craze died down (along with the show’s funny material).

They have nowhere to go anymore, and I’m sure the Simpson family has been kicked out of every state. What’s more is that there is nowhere to take the show.

Why die out quietly and respectfully when you could shoot yourself in the face with an unfunny movie?

The movie is like watching a three-legged dog trying to walk. It’s cute, a little sad, and not that funny.

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