Will your partner think you’re deranged or need therapy if you ask him or her to squeeze your nipples until it hurts?

There are many difficult things about being in a relationship whether it is new and exciting or old and comfortable.

One of the things that is hardest to do for the first time is ask to try a new sexual position or favor. It can be pretty complicated and uncomfortable to ask if your lover can try to put it in your _.

Let’s be honest here, when anyone starts dating or sleeping with someone new, there is a period of complete bliss. This is the time when everything your partner does is adorable, sexy and exciting. Pretty soon, this gives way to you wanting the little sexual things that really excite you. This can be anything from wanting your partner to go down on you to wanting something a little more risque.

How exactly does one request that a new partner pinch them, spank them or bite them? These are slightly kinkier requests that could scare away a potential life-mate in the blink of an eye. Will your partner think you’re deranged or need therapy if you ask him or her to squeeze your nipples until it hurts? When is the proper time to ask for anal play? These subjects can be difficult to raise.

Let’s just say that you are in bed with your new lover and he or she is doing all the things that make you hot, but you want to try something new, or at least new to the two of you. You don’t want your lover to think that they are doing something wrong or that your suggestion is a criticism. At the same time, you can’t mention that an ex used to do this, and it made you really hot. No one ever wants to think of their partner’s last lover while in bed naked.

In another scenario, what if you read about something in — I don’t know — the UWM Post’s Sex & Relationships column that you might want to try? You could try handing the column to your partner, having him or her read it, and gauge their reaction. You could just blurt it out in a Tourette’s syndrome sort of way, or wait and guide your lover without words. Personally, I tend to wait until I’m drunk to ask.

It is a lot easier to bring up trying new things in the bedroom (or the car, or the front porch, or a bar) if you are with a very explorative lover, or with someone who loves you. One has to be careful in the case of the former. If your lover puts you on a pedestal, one suggestion of golden showers may burst their idealized vision of you.

The one good thing about making these types of requests of your lover is that you get to find out right away if this person is willing to walk beside you through everything. Even if your lover isn’t up for trying whatever you suggest, as long as they don’t judge you, you have a fighting chance at taking baby steps toward a kinkier lifestyle. Keep in mind, when it comes to sexual experimentation, it’s usually better to crawl before you run.

If you have the desire to be tied up and whipped, I suggest you start with an activity that is a little more vanilla. Perhaps ask your partner to pull your hair, or spank you. From here, you can quickly move up to flogging, nipple clamps and power play.

When you ask your partner for a sexual favor, keep in mind that it is a favor, and that relationships need a lot of compromise. At the same time, any partner who is unwilling to try something that you want to do is not compromising.

I wouldn’t suggest you give your partner an ultimatum, but ask nicely. “Honey, when we make love later, can you choke me?” instead of, “Choke me, or I’ll leave you!”

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