Life after graduation has not been at all what I thought it would be. In fact, I keep asking myself why I graduated.

I had it so good in college. I could sleep late after staying up until all hours of the night writing papers and/or drinking copious amounts of Ketel One. It was socially acceptable to wear sweatpants. I got to talk about literature all day.

Then, sadly, graduation came. And once I finally received my college degree, it didn’t come with instructions.

There is no how-to booklet about what one is supposed to do with themselves after finally amassing enough credits to receive an expensive piece of paper. But, there it was — my diploma. I was going to have to become an adult now.

I polished up my resume, hopeful that I was going to find a real job. Even with a resume, I was still unsure about what I was supposed to do next. My father kept looking at me impatiently, wondering why I wasn’t gainfully employed.

Then something bad happened. I got a tumor. This wasn’t even my first tumor. I was reliving something that I had gone through five years ago. The first tumor was thankfully benign, but it killed my left ovary and both tumor and ovary had to be removed.

I was perfectly content living my one-ovary life. My doctor reassured me that I could still get pregnant with only one ovary and that there was only a 5 to 10 percent chance that I would grow another tumor on my remaining ovary.

Well, overachiever that I am, I went and got a tumor on the only ovary I had left. It was found during my annual exam. I thought I had simply been getting a little chubby in the tummy, but no: It was a giant tumor growing inside of me!

This one was bigger and better than the last one too. I had to go see a cancer specialist. And while my initial blood work suggested it wasn’t cancer, I still had to hear about the possibility of chemotherapy. I was facing the possibility of losing my only ovary and never being able to have children for the second time in my life.

I thought I had been through all this when I was 18 and I would never have to go through it again. It is incredibly humbling when you are faced with something that may take your life.

That’s how I spent my summer after graduation. My own mortality up in the air; cancer looming on the horizon. The tumor had to be removed. I was opened up vertically from my belly button to my pubic bone. The tumor was seven inches in diameter when they removed it.

It was benign. Which to this day is the most wonderful word I have ever heard. They were even able to save my ovary. My benign cystic teratoma was now gone.

We are not given instructions on how to live our lives. While I thought that things would fall into place after graduation, I got a tumor thrown into my plans. We do not get instructions, just experiences and people that change the way we view our world and help us discover what we are to do with the time that is given to us.

And sure, we stumble a lot on our way to becoming who we are, but that’s what keeps things interesting. Tumors, the real world, love and loss are all out there. All we can do is hope for the best and enjoy the journey.

> Comments