E-mail
Print
Solve a classic cookout conundrum
By Darin Kwilinski
What happens when your friend buys foot long hot dogs but not foot long buns? First, berate the person who grilled it and then grab another bun. House one end of the foot long in one bun and the other in the other bun ... need I say more?
As you turn the pages to the last match of the semester, I can only imagine your excitement in what it could hold.
World Peace vs. World Hunger? Spiderman vs. Batman? The suspense is killing you! You open the Post and take a look-see to find -- brats vs. hot dogs? What?
I know what you're thinking: This is newsworthy?
Well, of course it is. Summer is rapidly approaching and with it comes cookouts with friends, family and loved ones. What to make at a cookout is a completely subjective matter ...
"Hey Bob, why didn't you cook those sweet venison steaks this time?"
"Because, Randy, I invited you over to my house to eat the hamburgers I bought. Now sit down and quit complaining."
See what I mean? You can never satisfy everyone, but you can try. Your safest bet is to have hamburgers and brats or hot dogs -- but which one to satisfy your free-loading friends? You can't have both hot dogs and brats; only street vendors are allowed to do that.
Well, let's take a gander at the hot dog first. It ranges from four to six inches in length and is a staple of baseball tailgating.
Some people even opt for the foot long, but a problem arises with that. I propose a conundrum: What happens when your friend buys foot-long hot dogs but not foot-long buns? First, berate the person who grilled it and then grab another bun. House one end of the foot-long in one bun and the other in the other bun -- need I say more?
Brats tend to stay away from over six inches, but I could be wrong. I've never seen a foot long brat. Brats make a statement in the grilling community by saying, "I'm committed wholeheartedly to this cookout and I want you to go home full and satisfied."
With hot dogs and brats you can relish in the fact that you can put all sorts of condiments on them. Catsup, mustard, onions or relish are the norm in the name of grilling, but don't overdo it on the catsup. You can never have enough mustard, though. Trust me.
So which one wins? Which one reigns supreme on the grill, the champion of the cookouts? Well, it's a tough decision. On one end is the brat, which can be seasoned or stuffed with cheese. I've never seen an Italian-seasoned hot dog. On the other end is the hot dog, which can also be stuffed with cheese or come in a variety of lengths. However, therein lies the problem with hot dogs.
While you can fix the bun problem with foot longs, what happens if you bring foot longs to a cookout only to find the grill can't hold the mass of meat? Sheer pandemonium my friend, that's what happens.
Brats win in the end. Even if someone wants hamburgers at your cookout, you can easily compromise by getting brat patties instead of hamburgers.
Now someone just needs to invent a curved bun.
> Comments