There is no need for high taxes when we can easily make our streets prime real-estate for profit.

Third District Ald. Michael D“Amato announced March 18 he will be running for president in 2008.

After D“Amato initiated Residential Preferred Parking (RPP) around the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee campus, the new ordinance created so much excitement with parking checkers, they raised more than a $1 million through their union, the Parking Checkers of America.

We know with all the new tickets we will be giving out, we will all get huge raises, said Herbert Janderson, union president, whose office is located in Milwaukee.

Janderson said the union hoped that D“Amato would initiate similar ordinances around the country that would ensure raises for all parking checkers if he was elected president.

In D“Amato“s declaration to run, he also announced that our country also would no longer have a budget deficit as all extra funds would come from parking tickets.

There is no need for high taxes when we can easily make our streets prime real-estate for profit, D“Amato said.

He also said that he plans to demolish all problem areas in the country and build giant condos and skyscrapers.

America“s Neighbors, the largest neighborhood association in the world, was originally reluctant to support D“Amato with his new plan, said Justin McGroom, but reconsidered after D“Amato explained his logic.

With all the affordable housing destroyed, there will be no more noise disturbances, D“Amato said. No more house parties or puking in bushes.

D“Amato also said we need to get out of Iraq as there are more important places to be. He said, Instead we will concentrate our efforts on alternative music and coffee shops where the young hipsters hang out, as they are the embodiment of the rebellious collegiate society.

But even with troops guarding potentially hazardous locations, D“Amato said he is worried about another threat: Canada.

After we won the French Indian War, they have been secretly plotting against us ever since, he said. It“s time for freedom fries again.

After his announcement, in exclusive interview, the Post asked D“Amato how he planned to get the student vote.

Easy, D“Amato replied. We“ll cancel school on voting day, and they“ll all be so hung-over from the night before they will forget to vote.

Later that day, D“Amato was overheard talking to confidential advisers, First Milwaukee, then the world.

By Ericka Ledellel

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