I am chugging this stuff but I feel so hungry. And when I am hungry I am crabby, and when I am crabby you do not want to be around me.

Day 1:

I officially started the Master Cleanse today. I was a bit apprehensive and when I went to the kitchen to make my first drink this morning at 9:30 a.m., I got freaked out.

I couldnt believe that I was about to start a journey where I put no food into my body. I looked around, saw a leftover box of chocolates from Valentines Day and indulged in one. Actually, three.

I thought the grapes I had last night at midnight were going to be my official last food. The chocolates were damn good and damn worth it.

After those chocolates this morning, I started drinking my lemonade all day, keeping it by my side at all times. And I have got to admit I have never really felt hungry or lightheaded or anything today, until now, 5 p.m.

I am chugging this stuff but I feel so hungry. And when I am hungry I am crabby, and when I am crabby you do not want to be around me. So I am going to drink some plain water in hopes of stopping my hunger pangs.

This is normal, my body is not used to me not feeding it on a consistent basis â?¦ so I have to expect this now and for the next two or three days. Yikes!

On my first drink I added too much cayenne pepper. In the book it says that if you like things spicy, be liberal on the cayenne. Well I am a connoisseur of everything spicy, and thus I doubled up on my cayenne. That was not a good idea. My throat burned. Next time, I opted for one pinch per 10 ounces and it was tolerable.

Day 2:

I woke up this morning an hour early to drink a quart of the sea salt water. OK, horrible. It took me about a half an hour sitting on the kitchen floor, holding my nose, starring at this big quart of water, to drink it. I feel like I am going insane. Salt water? Are they kidding?

An hour later â?¦ the salt water flush starting working just like the book said it would. See, at night, before I go to bed, I have to drink a cup of Senna leaf tea, which is a natural diuretic.

The Master Cleanse book says that this is in order to loosen everything up in your colon. Then when you wake up in the morning, you drink one quart of uniodized sea salt water. So, I spent a good 25 minutes in the bathroom in pure agony. But I must say I felt pretty cleansed.

I am really hating this Grade B Maple Syrup. Its no Aunt Jemima and it is expensive! Even the off brand (365 Value at Whole Foods) is almost $13. Insane. I am thinking about foregoing the maple syrup.

Senna Leaf tea is the most horrible tea on earth. I feel like I am drinking grass and dirt that I poured hot water over. Putting lemon in it helps. Goodnight.

Day 3:

The salt water flush is now making everything that comes out of me a golden yellow liquid. I know, it is nasty, but I am trying to give you an accurate account of this crazy cleanse I am doing.

The lemonade is getting worse. This is all I am drinking. Two tablespoons of fresh-squeezed lemon juice. Two tablespoons of the syrup that I loathe. And a small, almost nonexistent pinch of cayenne pepper. Not cool, not cool at all.

I miss food so much. I couldnt even eat my Friday night fish fry last night. I had to sit and watch my family and boyfriend eating fish at the infamous Lakefront Brewery. I had to, with my water bottle and baggy jeans, watch little children as they danced uncontrollably to the live polka band.

I just wanted to run out of there, but the lack of food in my body hardly even allows me to walk, let alone run. OK, it is not that bad. I have some energy. But I am just pissed off. Drinking my tea and going to bed. Ciao.

Day 4:

Woke up today feeling pretty good. The salt water flush is always the worst part of my day, but I drank it, waited an hour, did my bathroom thing, and my day was on a good roll. The sun was shining and I went to Alterra to read the Sunday paper and drink some tea (yes, I drank green tea â?¦ shoot me).

I didnt feel hungry at all â?¦ but I miss that chewing sensation. I am now eating â?¦ wait for it â?¦ lettuce. Any variety really. Arugula, green leaf, ice burg, romaine and red leaf do the trick. Sprinkle a little lemon juice over them and I have a nice little snack.

Senna Leaf tea is still nasty and I decided not to drink it tonight. I forgot.

Day 5:

Well, I have Monday off from work all day and I am at home studying for my Linguistics exam. My mind is very occupied by phonetics, so I am not drinking as much as I should. When I went to brush my teeth, I noticed that my tongue was all nasty and white and kind of bubbly. This is apparently my body releasing toxins. So I made a drink and I did the salt water flush around 6 p.m.

I was in Chicago all day trying to get an emergency passport for my upcoming Bahamas trip with my boyfriend Jon, but that was a very stressful three-hour long ordeal and no passport. I actually started to cry because I was stressed and dehydrated and obviously hungry. I slept on the way home.

I am no longer putting the syrup in my drink. I ran out and I dont want to buy anymore and it is not as yummy as you would think Grade B Maple Syrup might be.

I am wondering why the Senna leaf tea did not taste bad tonight. I had two cups. I was cold and was too lazy to turn on the heat. Night.

Day 6:

I cheated. Yep, I was at school. I forgot my lemonade at home and so I was drinking bottles of water like mad. I was getting the most horrible hunger pains imaginable, so I stopped at my favorite little campus coffee joint, The Grind.

Stood in line and was debating in my head cookie or muffin, cookie or muffin? I decided on the bran muffin. I did not want to go to my French foods class all hungry, so I took a bite and it was just horrible. It was hard and stale and not appetizing.

I couldnt believe I wasted a cheat on that. I threw the muffin away and walked, in the snow, to French. I was feeling pretty good.

About halfway through my French class, at about 5:30 p.m., I started feeling so weird. My stomach had abnormal pains and I broke out into a dripping sweat.

My arms were actually wet and the back of my green cotton shirt was practically soaked with my perspiration. I started getting tingly all over and I knew I was going to vomit.

I really did not want to get up while my teacher was lecturing so I was thinking about maybe puking at my desk. But then I would have puked on my notes and all my notes from my other classes and so I decided to actually get up.

Inside of going to the front of the room to leave, I tried to go through the back. At this point, I was actually delusional. I tripped over someones backpack, made a big scene and out of my blubbering mouth I said, I think I am going to faint.

I dont really remember much after that except for almost crawling to the bathroom (yes, this was in front of my entire class) and vomiting all over the toilet. I felt better after that. A friend gave me a croissant and a piece of chocolate and I went home.

I had officially ended the Master Cleanse when I ate veggie tacos on whole wheat tortillas. We ate good guacamole and watched a romantic comedy. I am feeling great, and I am excited to go to brunch this Sunday.

If you want to do the Master Cleanse, I encourage you to read the book. You have to be mentally prepared as well as physically prepared. I would also recommend being under the care of a physician.

I would also recommend not veering away from the recipe as I did. That extremely embarrassing episode in my French class probably could have been avoided if I would have pinched pennies, bought the syrup and actually have had some of my lemonade that day.

> Comments