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How Super Sweet 16 changed my life
By Nicole Arata
My invitations will be platinum handouts with 100k gold writing painted on. I will go to school on a horse-drawn carriage the day I distribute the invitations. I will make everyone I give an invitation to bow in gratitude. Then to all those people I did not invite I will go up to each one and tell them they are a failure, live.
My plan originally was to bash MTVs show Super Sweet 16, for promoting self-absorbed, spoiled teens who are so shortsighted that their only concern in life is throwing the best party. My life changed when I read this young girls dream birthday party.
My name is Tiffani Chirri (formerly Cherry, however, I made my daddy legally change our last name so I can dot more is with dollar signs). The producers selected me to appear on the show, which is amazing.
I cannot wait to celebrate my 16th birthday, before I need to start getting Botox. I just cannot believe the producers can fit my whole party into only a measly half hour.
First thing, I had to come up with the theme of the party. After a massage from our on-call massage therapist, I came up with I have more money than you, so that makes me better. I can just picture putting homeless people in cages so my guests can point and laugh at the homeless trash.
I will have pots of money all around the ballroom my daddys contractor built just for this occasion. However, I will also put in counterfeit money in the pots and laugh when I hear some people were arrested for using the money. Of course, I will have to talk to the government about changing the color of money to hot pink, my favorite color.
My invitations will be platinum handouts with 100k gold writing painted on. I will go to school on a horse-drawn carriage the day I distribute the invitations. I will make everyone I give an invitation to bow in gratitude.
Then, to all those people I did not invite, I will go up to each one and tell them they are a failure at life. I will also tell them I hope they have to go to therapy because of their inadequacies for not being invited to my party.
My grandmother has always told me I can sing like a coalmine canary. I contacted P. Diddy (excuse me, Diddy, so he can be closer to his fans) to produce my debut CD to be released at my party. I will have the Pussycat Dolls sing backup for me, but only after the Center for Disease Control gives them all polio to make me look better. After my party, we will go on a world tour.
With my big night ahead of me, I cannot worry about intruders crashing my party. I ordered snipers on top of each corner of the roof to shoot anyone within 100 yards.
As for what I am wearing, I am going to wear a dress made out of all diamonds. Of course, I cannot just wear one outfit during the night, so I will also have yellow and pink diamond dresses to change into.
My parents surprised me with my birthday present. I got seven different BMWs for each day of the week. I also got a pony because I always get a pony for my birthday. This pony I will name Mitzi.
How can you deny someone her dream at such a young age? I hope she never loses her creativity.
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