Masturbation should be illegal too, for the children�s sake. We should probably cut off everyone�s arms.

I am greatly concerned over the topic of pornography. I worry about porn because I worry about our children. They are our greatest resource for they represent our future.

Can we find a way to get rid of pornography and make the world a harmless and carefree world devoid of any explicit material? It would be for our childrens sake. They mustnt be exposed to acts of rampant human degradation, casual bestiality or scat porn. Our society has to make it go away, really fast.

We must replace pornographic materials with bunnies, eternal sunshine and gumdrop-laden roads that all lead to happiness. This would be really easy!

We simply have to make it harder for people to access images of people blowing horses on their super computers. We should make it impossible, or maybe punishable. We could impose a harsh fine for those who frequent the library on campus with the sole purpose of jacking off to explicit material on the Inter-Web.

Masturbation should be illegal too, for the childrens sake. We should probably cut off everyones arms. All thoughts pertaining to what the person standing next to you may look like naked should be stopped. Forever. This would be good.

You ought not to be allowed to wonder how incredible anyone sounds during the throes of passion. We should all promise to never take naked Polaroids of our girlfriends ever again, especially if there is the possibility that your now ex-girlfriends mother may come across them. I am gravely sorry about that.

Maybe photography should be made illegal, altogether. Films such as 2069, Backdoor To The Future and Dripping Whores From Cock Planet should be edited by our government or, perhaps, the Pope. He would know how to handle pornography in our country.

Maybe we can elect a Pope for America to take care of this for us. That way, we could focus our attention on buying puppies and planting endless fields of lilacs and participating in wholesome family fun. We could laugh along to reruns of Full House. Gosh, they are funny!

We could all sing beautiful songs because there would be no porn. Ever.

All films should be made by Disney.

Also, we should get rid of Victoria Secret catalogs, and make liquor illegal.

Most importantly, as a society, we should have evolved past the miserable and horribly tragic porn culture. This is an industry that thrives on the alienated, the alone, the rejected and those with distorted misconceptions of how to treat someone of the opposite sex.

Anyone caught in possession of bestiality should be forced to donate their time to animal shelters that focus their attention on crippled puppies full of trampled dreams.

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