Archived: Mar 05, 2007

> Arts & Entertainment

When porn strikes

Post staffers share their first experiences with smut

By Post Staff

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I got five minutes into the porn before my mom came back in the living room. After that, the tape wasnâ??t kept with the rest of the familyâ??s videotapes. Years later, I found it in my fatherâ??s sock drawer.

Everyone can tell you about their first day of school, their first boy/girlfriend or their first kiss. But are those really all our firsts in life?

What about those firsts we never really talk about, like our first experience with drugs or alcohol, our first time being arrested or waking up in a bed that wasnt ours? What about the first time we saw what our parents fear most? What about when we learned what sex was?

Yes, that first time we were watching Cinemax after 8 p.m. or when we found those magazines under our siblings bed “ those moments deserve as much billing as the first time we actually had sex.

Our first time around with pornography is one that most children remember. We here at the Post would like to share some of those memories with you. Of course we will give you our porn star names in honor of the event.

I was 14 and alone and on the computer, as we had just got the Internet like a week ago (all you kids who grew up with high-speed connections since you were like 6 will never know the joy of waiting for pictures to load on an incredibly slow dial-up connection.)

Long story short, eventually there were breasts on the monitor. I knew then that I could never go back to listening to scrambled porn on TV.

“ Duncan Tussock

When I was 6, we found a box of porn in the basement at a friends house. After looking at it, I was totally traumatized and seriously had nightmares for months. Porn is bad and should not be kept anywhere near children!

“ Casey Ruth

I was 11 and home sick from school that glorious day. My mother told me to pick out a VHS to watch while she made lunch. I wanted to watch a tape I hadnt seen before. I chose to watch a tape labeled Adult Movies. I got five minutes into the porn before my mom came back in the living room. After that, the tape wasnt kept with the rest of the familys videotapes. Years later, I found it in my fathers sock drawer.

“ Sunny Netherwood

Its embarrassing to say that the first distinct memory I have with pornography is a horribly arty situation. I was a sophomore in high school and had just settled down to watch the film Y Tu Mama Tambien. The film began, and needless to say I was a bit unprepared for what appeared. For those of you who havent seen the film, the first five minutes seem straight out of a porno. It may have been in an art film context, but it was still two teens f---ing.

“ Lacey Windpointe

Sixth grade, during the late hours of a Friday night, downstairs, while my parents slept “ I discovered HBO. I also discovered that late-night HBO airs soft porn.

At the ripe age of 11, movie plots were starting to become apparent to me. I recognized the HBO movies plot was lacking somewhere between the two mid-40s men dressing up as women to sneak onto a touring bus of models, and the unrealistic number of times the models needed to change in front of the men.

However, after a montage of breasts, I dubbed it the greatest movie of all time.

“ Dutch Chestnut

It was early spring and I was outside for recess playing marbles or kickball when, for some reason, everyone was gathering near a small creek which ran along side the schools nature center. Inquisitive as always, I followed everyone else to see what the commotion was all about.

Someone had found scattered pornography amongst human feces, a small campfire and some tin cans. We had a hobo, and I saw that hobos porn.

It wasnt for more than a brief moment that I gazed upon the smut that one of the teachers noticed my wide-eyed glossy grin toward a woman performing an action that I would come to appreciate later in life.

“ Blitz Burchwood

> Comments

Whatâ??s your porn star name?

First name:

The name of your first pet.

Last name:

The name of the first street you grew up on. If you grew up on a numbered street, use the name of the second street you lived on.

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