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Fighting against “Idol“
NBC president unleashes crushed dreams
By Tyler Gaskill
“American Idol” is flexing its abs in preparation for a gut punch from NBC. Airing opposite “American Idol,” (Tuesday and Wednesday 8-10 p.m. eastern), “Dream Crushers” will be unveiled as NBC“s newest show.
The time slot was previously home to “Dateline NBC,” “Law & Order: Stenographer Unit,” “Watch People Open and Close Briefcases for Money” and the much-anticipated episode of “Friday Night Lights” titled, “I Think We Should Have Sex.”
On Feb. 15, the day after Valentine“s Day, NBC President Robert C. Wright addressed the press about the shocking change of schedule.
The holiday is only worth noting due to Wright“s physical appearance in NBC“s press room. A loud bang, caused by Wright kicking the door open, announced his entrance. In stained wind pants, a wrinkly V-neck T-shirt and slippers, Wright cruised toward the podium with a scowl.
Wright bumped the podium, creating a piercing ring from the microphones. Wright erupted with rage, punching his arm forward and screamed something. A reporter sitting near the podium captured his words on a mini-tape recorder. On tape, Wright is heard screeching, “[exploitive] Valentine“s Day!”
NBC“s president turned his back to the press, ran his hands over his bald head, shook out his arms and returned to the podium.
“As you all know,” Wright said, “I“ve changed our network“s programming schedule.”
Wright“s delivery was lazy. “While I watched “American Idol“ pick its final 24 contestants, I had a vision for a new TV show. Only now, I finally have the stones to throw it on air.”
As the press let loose with a bombardment of questions, Wright wiped his sweaty brow with a notepad from his pocket. The five o“clock shadow on his face and sunken eyes, indicated Wright possibly had an intoxicated Valentine“s Day.
“Dreams realized,” he paused for an airy-sounding burp, “are half as entertaining as dreams crushed,” said NBC President Robert C. Wright. “The initial draw to American Rejects was watching the losers get trashed. I“ve simply taken that element of the show, and used for the entire basis of my TV show called, “Dream Crushers.“ ”
For a moment, it looked as if Wright was going to be ill on stage. He continued, “Here“s how the show works. I“ve made a panel of 15 judges; they“re highly [exploitive] touted professors,” Wright stepped back a moment and composed himself. “They“re experts in 15 different facets of knowledge.”
Wright thrust his pointer finger forward as he listed each field, “writing, music composition, dance instruction, astrophysics, genetics, psychology, social science, film, cultural studies, Gary Busey and five guys from MIT “ just for the heck of it. These 15 judges are going to ride on a bus to random neighborhoods throughout America. And then!” Wright slammed his fist down.
“They ask to enter random homes under the false pretenses of,” he used air quotes, “ “judging them for potential talents.“ In reality, when the subject displays their talent, the experts are merely instructed to give an honest, scathing critique of any flaws they have “ no matter how minor. Before the experts can leave, they have to make the subject want to quit pursuing his or her dream. And that“s how each episode will go.”
A reporter quickly asked, “Why Gary Busey? And who are all these professors? And why would they go along with any of â?¦,” the reporter stopped.
Wright gripped each side of the podium firmly in a moment of what looked to be paralyzed rage. The silence was deafening.
Twitching his head, Wright said with annoyance, “There“s always someone better than you. “American Idol“ sucks because those people aren“t the best. There are so many people on the planet it would take a lifetime to find the [expletive] best at one talent; yet, every America votes in another false Idol.”
A chuckle escaped Wright. He suddenly screamed, “No one“s special; we all end up fertilizing flowers in the end anyway!”
Members of the press shifted awkwardly.
“While everyone sits at home, watching dreams come to fruition, they“re forced to find another station to draw their attention away from the fact that they haven“t achieved their dreams. Watching others give in to the inevitable truth will be America“s next top addiction.”
After he kicked the podium over, Wright marched off stage. Before he was out of the room, a reporter asked, “No has the right to tell someo-,”
Wright yelled to no one in particular, “I“m the judge, jury, and [expletive] see saw [expletive] down in a hole with [expletive]!”
He kicked open the door, and left the press room.
Sources:
NBC.com
Fox.com
Annoyance
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