If I am checking out a guy and his loud, gum-popping, whiny, three-pounds-of-makeup-wearing-but-we-can-still-tell-she-was-ugly-when-she-woke-up, ditzy girlfriend walks up, I am immediately turned off.

No matter how much we may hate the idea, we all tend to judge a book by its cover. If you are a sighted person, you will judge based on superficial aspects of other people.

One of the most ridiculous things that we single people do is judge someone by the person he or she is dating. For example, if I see a guy that I think is attractive and he is with an apparently intelligent, attractive, confident woman, I will find him more attractive (although my personal morals prevent me from doing anything about it).

On the other hand, if I am checking out a guy and his loud, gum-popping, whiny, three-pounds-of-makeup-wearing-but-we-can-still-tell-she-was-ugly-when-she-woke-up, ditzy girlfriend walks up, I am immediately turned off.

Why is this, you ask? Let me tell you. If a guy can attract and keep someone who has it all together, then obviously he is worthy of someone as amazing as I claim to be. At the same time, if a guy finds Ditzy McStickfigure hot, we obviously have nothing in common and he doesn’t have the ability to appreciate a real woman. This is a problem, because it is very likely that we are misjudging someone in this situation.

Miss McStickfigure could be a nuclear physicist (unlikely, but possible) or she could grow up to be the president (again, doubtful). Perhaps the woman who seems to have it all together is frigid with a nasty attitude and a propensity to control every aspect of her boyfriend’s life. One never can tell which of the individuals one dates is going to be a good egg (if you want, I could give you a list of not-worth-its).

I have dated men who seem to have it all together on the outside, but are emotional and psychological mutants when you get to know them. I have told quite a few guys I have dated that they are going to die alone or they seriously need some therapy before dating anyone else. These are characteristics that one could not possibly know just by judging their exterior.

While we are judging people by who they are dating, we are even more judgmental of those who don’t date. I know because I don’t date anymore — haven’t in over a year. I am constantly looked at as a freak of nature, an outcast of society, a leper in the land of relationships. People don’t know how to judge me or what to think when they hear I don’t date. I am constantly bombarded with lame questions.

Why don’t you date? Are you straight? Broken heart? You aren’t one of those man-hating femi-Nazis, are you? These questions are inevitably followed by: “Don’t you worry, the right guy is still out there for you.”

After this uncomfortable conversation, the inquiring party is no closer to figuring me out than he was in the beginning. While I hate this snap decision that I must be a freak if I am not dating, I notice I make the same judgments about others.

Most of my friends are single, so I don’t think everyone who is single has something fundamentally wrong with them, but I do notice that a guy is more attractive to me if he is being hit on by someone else.

Now this may sound twisted, but it is true. Would I lie to you? After all we have been through you should know me better than that.

A few months ago a guy asked me out. He is very nice, pretty good looking and dresses well. I decided not to go out with him because I simply wasn’t feeling that spark that makes me adjust my routine. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, I just wasn’t feeling it.

A few days ago, he comes into the bar, as he does about once a week, and we chat for a second. The next thing I know, this regular customer (a female) is flirting with him. At first, I didn’t pay attention as this girl flirts with everyone and has more boyfriends than I have shoes.

Before you could say “serial dater” she was writing her phone number on his arm. Since the invention of paper and pens, not to mention cell phones, this practice of writing digits on skin has become obsolete. I found myself getting jealous. I know it was simply because someone else found him enticing, but that just made me feel worse.

Am I that shallow? Apparently, I am. No matter how much I try to see the whole person, I am incapable of being better than everyone else in the world. This might be a shallow dating pool, but there are a lot of people wading in it.

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