I am a big fan of sexual harassment in the workplace, as long as I’m the one doing the harassing.

Stress in the workplace can be a little overwhelming at times, making all of us wish for an outlet. Unfortunately, cigarette and coffee breaks can only do so much for lowering the pressure put on us by our employers, deadlines and quotas.

Some of us have our little fantasies to get us through. One of the more popular fantasies is sex in the workplace. We have all thought about it. When I was in high school, dating a sweet and very conventional guy, I used to think about getting it on in the storage room of the clothing store I worked at. Honestly, I also had the thought of doing it in the storefront window. The former was far more likely to happen, but thoughts of the latter made the blood pump through my veins a little faster.

Working in an office now, I never stop thinking what it would be like to get a little nasty on a desktop after hours. Of course, with computers being the norm, one can no longer sweep everything off the desk to get to it, but still, the temptation of sex is everywhere. Keep in mind, most of the time, there are people all over the place in our offices, so the option of having sex in the office is not really there.

Sex in the workplace can be a great fantasy with a detrimental outcome if one does it and gets caught. Of course, the chance of getting caught is part of the reason it’s so hot. The next closest thing to sex in the workplace is flirting.

This is a problem nowadays because of the prevalence of sexual harassment lawsuits. Is it sexual harassment if it is reciprocated? I am a big fan of sexual harassment in the workplace, as long as I’m the one doing the harassing.

This may sound bad, especially since I don’t believe anyone should be subject to any type of talk or touch that makes him/her uncomfortable. That said, having someone you work with that you find attractive can make following the sexual harassment guidelines a little difficult. Is saying “Sexual harassment in the workplace is fun” sexual harassment in the workplace?

Is my attitude toward sex and work and its symbiotic relationship unhealthy? Am I creating an “unacceptable working environment?” Is it OK if you ask first? If I have someone sign an agreement to sexually harass, is it acceptable then?

I can do one better, question-wise: If no one finds byproducts of sexual acts on a blue dress, did sex in the workplace still take place? How would anyone know?

I have always had a voracious sexual appetite. Moreover, I have always had a penchant for the more exotic of sexual experiences. With that being said (as if any of you weren’t aware), I should state that my imagination is quite vivid. In my mind, I have a person, place and time mapped out for the hypothetical office romp. A matter of fact, I’ve run through the entire scenario once or twice, and am always prepared for it. We all have our fantasies; they are what keep us having sex even when it gets monotonous.

Fortunately, I don’t work in a corporate work environment, and the UWM Post is pretty open-minded about my weird likes and dislikes. Likes: sexual harassment in the workplace, fruit, WKLH, smoking breaks. Dislikes: schoolwork, doing anything before it’s due, noisy people hanging out in the office, rules that keep our clothes on.

I will just leave you with the beginning of my little work fantasy: I wander into the office to ask a question at the end of the work day. There is noise outside the door, so I close it behind me. I pick a piece of lint off his clothes, and we laugh a little. The lights outside the door go off, and we are alone. He peels off my shirt …

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