In the dating scene, it is sometimes hard to determine whether someone is actually good enough for you right off the bat. OK, maybe “good enough” isn’t the right way to put it.

Maybe finding someone who fits you is so hard, that we overlook telltale signs that this person is wrong.

Are we so intent on finding someone so we don’t have to be alone that we settle for people who don’t have what we’re looking for? Better yet, when we find what we are looking for, do we overlook traits we could never live with?

We have all been guilty of this at some time or another. I do it all too often.

A few years ago, I dated a man who was creative, kind, a great lover and the biggest pothead I have ever met. I don’t smoke, and although I have no problem with it, I had problems being with someone whose first thought in the morning is, “Where did I leave my pipe?”

Now, this may seem like a very obvious rift in compatibility, but I was young, and when he wasn’t stoned, he was very intelligent. I overlooked this for a year. We lived together, I supported him, and we had a good relationship.

Unfortunately, I figured out that I couldn’t deal with someone whose goal in life was to find the best pot ever. By then, it was too late to just let it go, as we had grown attached to each other. The breakup was very trying emotionally.

I’ve dated guys who have had different ideas than me in politics, family, education, success and what a Saturday night date should entail. I don’t want to sound like I think I’m better than anyone, as that’s not what I mean.

If you think that reading a book is dorky, or think waiting for the movie is more enticing, we will not last. If you are looking for a June Cleaver to keep house while you work, we will not work. I have very lofty goals for myself, and anyone I’m with needs to want “the best” also.

This causes a problem for anyone in college, because we are on the cusp of blue-collar and white-collar careers. While I grew up in a blue-collar family, I don’t want to struggle like my parents did every day.

I want someone who has a career, ambition to do better and the education to make it happen. Unfortunately, at this point in my life, I am blue-collar and will be for a few more years at least.

I am not advanced enough for the men I want to be with. In our 20s, we go through so much change that it would be damn near impossible to ensure a future in being where we see ourselves in 10 years.

I don’t blame men with careers and homes and education for being skeptical of dating a college student. I would be, and am. What if, in a couple of years, I get sick of school and decide to pursue my lifelong dream of selling hot dogs on a beach?

This scenario may sound ridiculous, but if you love someone, shouldn’t you support their dreams? By the time this hot dog dream comes to fruition, this poor corporate executive may love me too much to leave, and then he’s stuck supporting (emotionally and monetarily) a hot dog vendor and not a writer.

Give and take on both sides is what relationships are all about, so if one person gives and the other takes, it is an uneven and undesirable situation.

As much as I don’t want to spend my life hearing about the complexity of a carburetor, most mechanics won’t want to hear about the complexity of Ayn Rand’s political views as interpreted from her novels.

None of us is better than any other, but finding someone with a relatable background, education and goals is very important. This is the reason why I would never date a fry cook and the reason why a CEO would never date me.

This is the reason I am perpetually single — the men I feel are at a desirable place in their lives feel I am not. Sigh!

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