Anna,

I’ve lived in secrecy all of my life. I’m Hawaiian but my parents are both from Wisconsin. When I was born, my father and mother were living in Honolulu because of my dad’s business. My father works for an agency that requires a large degree of secrecy, thus we move around a lot.

From here on I must be somewhat discrete — I’m sure you understand. At one point while living in Canada, our position was compromised. We moved to the hills somewhere in Europe where I met the love of my life. She was gorgeous, blue eyes, long brown hair, a perfect body. Her personality was as genuine as could be. There was never an awkward movement, even when we first met. When we talked and shared stories, I knew she really wanted to listen. She would do anything for me, as I would for her.

One day, during dinner, my dad put down his fork and knife, folded his arms and said we’re moving back to the states. No questions asked, and nothing to be explained. Never before had my dad reacted to relocation the way he did. It was serious and we all knew it. My love affair with “Jane” had to be ended.

The move back to the states was difficult. I was used to living in Europe, and I loved the country and the people who lived there. I think about Jane from time to time just like every lost love affair. Jane doesn’t know where I live or how to find me. I am forbidden from contacting her because of the risk associated with the location of my family and myself.

I’ve recently been briefed with information that shocked me. To say the least, any relationship I engage in could not be what it appears. It’s a reality I have to live with. I realize I can’t continue living my life in fear.

How do I know if someone is sincere, or they are just acting to see me off? This is a serious situation and I need your help. So, Anna, please help!

– Nameless

Hi and thanks for writing,

At first I couldn’t decide if your letter was a joke or not. I had a few people read it and they were all like “no way!” But when we all think about it, there are people with those types of jobs. There's even an FBI office in Milwaukee. So obviously there are children (such as you) of parents who work in, let's just say, “high-security.”

I'm sorry your relationship with Jane was cut short. Since I don’t know too much about how families in your situation cope with problems such as this, I'll have to answer your question differently than I would with someone else's.

Does the agency your father works for have therapists who deal with this type of problem? Some might say that’s a silly question, but I'm sure there are plenty of people in your position who have this same thing going on in there life.

I called the FBI in Milwaukee and I asked if they have people who help in this sort of situation. They said they have the “employee assistance program” and also have chaplains (priests) for employees and children of employees who work for them.

So maybe your father's agency has something similar for you. This way the person who will help you has more experience with this type of thing than a normal therapist (or me).

Good luck, stay safe and take care of yourself.

– Anna

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