If Bush truly does pride himself on a memorable presidency, then his choice is clear: nominate me for a position on our nation's highest court.

The recent announcement of Harriet Miers’ candidacy for associate justice of the Supreme Court has turned many a head and triggered the usual deluge of heated criticism from dueling political camps. The source of all this fuss is Miers so-called lack of credentials for a position on our nation's highest court.

Miers — Bush’s White House counsel, former personal attorney and fellow Texan — is not a judge. Regardless, the present administration has proven tenacious in its ongoing support of Miers to fill the centrist void left by Sandra Day O'Connor's recent retirement from the Supreme Court.

In light of these revelations, I would like to announce myself as an alternate candidate for the Supreme Court. All the current justices were selected from their positions in the lower federal courts; Miers in contrast has never been a judge in either state or federal court.

Miserly naysayers may point to the current candidate's complete lack of credentials for Supreme Court justice. The Bush administration, however, has shown no qualms with glossing over such petty technicalities in its nomination of Harriet Miers.

Considering this I see no reason why they would not extend me the same courtesy in my own campaign for potential Supreme Court justice. Miers, like me, possesses no apparent qualifications for a position on the Supreme Court other than her prodigious use of heavy black eyeliner, which I suspect was instrumental in catching the Bush camp's eye for potential candidacy.

If ocular makeup alone can qualify one for a position on our nation's highest court then I will stop at nothing to model myself in a similar fashion. I will make myself look like Divine from “Pink Flamingos” if that's what it takes to get a spot on the Supreme Court.

A quick survey of the legislation put forth by the Bush administration thus far reveals a commander in chief who prides himself on a contentious presidency. Some opposing politico's have suggested that Bush is using the recent vacancies on the Supreme Court as a means of forging a memorable political legacy that will echo on with his candidates’ lengthy services in our country's highest court.

If Bush truly wants a memorable presidency he'll drop Miers and turn his attention to me. While some may say I am perhaps less qualified to fill O’Connors shoes, it is clear we are not dealing with a president overly concerned with reading the fine print. Peripheral issues like proper qualifications and accreditation are but trifling issues orbiting the Bush universe.

Though I am not a Texan I have never in my life messed with Texas, nor do I ever plan on doing so. More to the point I also wear a great deal of black eyeliner and look better than Miers doing so. This, combined with my natural youth and vigor, makes me the ideal candidate for the job.

My candidacy for Supreme Court justice may seem like a long shot. Sure, I may seem a bit young for the position. But if this administration can march into Iraq with no regard toward the stipulations of the Geneva Convention, push for the privatization of Social Security despite almost unanimous bipartisan protest and nominate candidates for the Supreme Court despite few qualifications, I see no reason why Bush would not be equally enthusiastic to nominate a 22-year-old, magenta-haired undergraduate for a position on this nation's highest court.

If Bush truly does pride himself on a memorable presidency then his choice is clear: nominate me for a position on our nation's highest court.

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