Waking up two or three hours before class so that you can shower, shave, put makeup on and curl your hair will get mighty exhausting when you realize that college doesn’t only involve parties and finding the person you are going to marry.

As the fall approaches, freshmen start to look forward to testing out their new fashions and meeting new people. Allow me to help you out. Upperclassmen (and women) can spot a freshman a mile away.

We can tell by the way you dress, and for girls, the makeup you wear. Waking up two hours before class just to look your best while trying to get an education seems silly to most people who lived through our freshman year. Spending that much time to look like you are going out to a club just to learn about classical mythology in a classroom is a waste of energy.

When going shopping for school clothes this summer, do the college a favor: ignore the mini-skirts and stiletto sandals. Try purchasing some comfortable wear for a change: some pajama pants, maybe a cotton tank top or two.

Never wear iridescent clothing to college courses. Not only does no one give a crap whether your shirt cost $85, but you are more than likely irritating the instructor, other students and even the person you are trying to impress.

Trying too hard has never been attractive. I, for one, find college students who care more about their fashion statements than their grades a waste of perfectly good carbon. If you want to wear your designer dress and heels, go out at night. Wearing these articles of clothing during the day make you look desperate and, honestly, less intelligent.

Forget about the makeup when going to classes, especially early morning classes. I hate walking into class and having the girl sitting next to me have so much makeup on that it would make Tammy Faye jealous. For god’s sake, girl, did you put that stuff on with a spatula? Why would anyone wear thick black eyeliner during the daylight hours unless they came straight from the party they attended the night before?

Waking up two or three hours before class so that you can shower, shave, put makeup on and curl your hair will get mighty exhausting when you realize that college doesn’t only involve parties and finding the person you are going to marry. If that is your goal, skip college and go to a singles’ mixer instead. The more serious students, who are here to better ourselves, find you irritating, nauseating and a waste of space.

If you intend to work hard and do well in school, you are better off skipping the makeup altogether, wearing tennis shoes and bringing a notebook and pen to class. That’s right: I have seen people come to classes looking like they are ready to hit the club with their designer purses, but surprise, have no paper, pens or books.

These are the obnoxious kids who talk all through class and fail out after their first semester, only to go back to their high school job as a cashier at their hometown Dairy Queen. If this is what you want for yourself, fine, but don’t take up space in my classrooms while you are ruining your life.

Save the time you would have spent on your makeup, hair and wardrobe for some last-minute cram time before the big test, or just to brush up on your facts. If you want to impress someone in one of your classes, don’t miss out on your education to do so. Most of the people in college classes aren’t impressed by people who are more into fashion than their futures.

Try actually caring about your education instead of Gucci for a change. Do it as a favor to me, the other students who care about education and the future you. Trust me, 10 years from now, you will want to go back and kick your own ass if you don’t take this seriously.

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