They’re rating me a 10 and all of the jealous guys are seeing that and rating me one because they’re jealous!

Already 147 views and I've averaged only 2.6! That's just over a one-fourth of what it should be.

I know I'm a 10. I'm sure everyone knows I'm a 10 — especially the ladies. I see the way they look at me when I'm walking through the Union. Whether I'm sitting with my friends playing D&D next to Taco Bell or just hanging around the kiosks, I can't help but notice the looks I get.

And no, it's not just the usual looks I get — yes, these are the original Reebok Pumps in the hard-to-find lime green color — these girls are staring. I can see the desperation in their eyes, the intimidation, it says, "please, Mark, take us back to your dorm room."

Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother with Hotornot.com. I mean, I don't need any confirmation of my studliness — my friends tell me I'm hot all the time. Sometimes, they'll just say it randomly. Even by mistake. Other times, if I'm feeling down or haven't been scoring many frags on “Counterstrike,” they'll have to remind me, "Oh, Mark, you know you could get any chick you want — you look just like Jason Mraz …"

And that's just the thing! No, not that I look a lot like the Mr. A-Z himself — the fact that it's *me* who calls the shots when it comes to girls, not the other way around. Sure, I could go out to a party, bag some skank, and bring her back for a sack session in the “moan-zone” but why even waste my time?

Pay $5 for a cup of some nasty Blatz and the privilege of having to deal with phone calls from hot blondes keeping me up at night? Yeah right, I've got babes around the world — even Asia — that can get down way nastier than any girl in Milwaukee.

And that's exactly why I feel so betrayed. I mean, come on, I'm chatting with sexy chicks 24/7, I'm getting checked out every day on campus, I'm squatting 215 and I'm supposed to believe that I can only get one out of four chicks on this stupid Web site?

I should have my own website: hotorHOT.com! LOL. That would get me every girl. Wait — that's it — maybe I *am* getting all the girls. They're rating me a 10 and all of the jealous guys are seeing that and rating me one because they're jealous!

And that's just the problem with a site like this. I've seen it a million times: you give people the chance to post pictures of themselves and some dork who's totally full of himself comes along and ruins it for everyone. You know what? I'm going to hack this site! Actually, no I'm not. But I could! I could bring hotornot.com to its knees!

Forgive me, it's not like me to blurt out such resentful statements. I need to refocus. What would Jason Mraz do? What would Jason Mraz do? WHAT WOULD JASON MRAZ DO?

Flax seeds, well they tear me open

And supposedly you can crawl right through me

Taste these teeth please

And undress me from these sweaters better hurry

Cause I'm keeping upward bound now

Oh maybe I'll build my house in your cloud

Here I'm tumbling for you

Stumbling through the work that I have to do

Don't mean to harm you

Whew. Thank you, Jason. Your words are always so insightful and your poetry is, simply, the awesomest.

You hear that, hotornot.com? I'm keeping upward bound now. Don’t mean to harm you. Oh maybe I’ll build my house in your clod. Taste these teeth please!

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