Working as a temporary cashier at the Union Bookstore over the past three weeks, I have seen a wide array of human emotion. A single stroke of the register’s Total key can cause reactions ranging anywhere from relief, laughter or surprise to shock, anger or agony.

But the most heart-wrenching facial expression I have seen is dawning realization.

Usually this indicates the comprehension by a nursing or pre-med student that out of the $780 in textbooks they have just purchased, they will be lucky to get $100 by selling them back at the end of the semester. So, for all of you with textbooks that you do not need or want and just cannot seem to get rid of, here are some uses for them.

Build a fort

Keep every single book throughout your entire college career. By graduation you just might have enough to make a killer fort! Is the job outlook not so good for your particular major? That book-fort may suddenly come in handy.

Save them as future presents for your children

Pack your books away in Mylar bags and eventually give them to your children. In 80 years when you are dead and gone, they can take them to the “Antiques Roadshow” and have them appraised for thousands of dollars.

Pad your bookshelf

Everyone has books on their bookshelf that they have never read before, so go ahead and add a few more. Even a shelf full of 100-level texts would look more impressive than a dusty stack of comic books and a copy of “Psychology for Dummies.”

Decorate your walls

Tear out a page from any random book, frame it, and hang it on the wall. My sources tell me it is the latest fashion in Europe.

Write poetry

Here are the rules: open up one of your books from a few semesters ago and put your finger anywhere on the page. Whichever word you are pointing to, write it down. Repeat, and then add some random punctuation. Here’s one I made with my astronomy book:

Torrent. Statistical Mercury.
Molecule: steerable, stellar, statistical, empty.
The outward wondering science.
Magma…
Filament, too.
Altitude, asteroid—normal.

House-train a pet

Most college students cannot afford a pricy subscription to a newspaper, especially when they have textbooks to buy every semester. So when it comes time to house-train a pet, what would work better than that old geology book you have under your bed? No one can deny the satisfaction of seeing Fido do his business on that chapter about geologic time.

Scalp them

It is no secret that many titles the bookstore refuses to buy back are sold the very next semester. So don your trench coat, grab your briefcase and go mill around the Union whispering that you’ve got the goods. It usually is not too hard to pick out your potential customers. Look for a nervous expression, shifty eyes and sweaty palms.

Save on your winter energy bill

With heating costs at record highs, many people are scrambling for alternatives to natural gas heating. Just think of all the untapped potential heat energy stored up in the pages of that political science book!

Whether you use your books to build, burn, save or sell, it will still beat getting a $4 return on a $40 investment. And if you decide to build a book-fort, be careful: the only thing that is worse than losing money on textbooks is getting smashed by a cave-in.

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