This unfortunate trend culminated in Britney Spear's ill-advised marriage to unwashed man-whore Kevin Federline, and with it the floodgates opened.

It's that time of year again. Not Santa, but the inevitable year-end deluge of “best of” and “worst of” lists that fills cyberspace and lines the pages of nearly every publication that goes to print.

What kind of writer would one be if he or she didn't contribute to this illustrious tradition?

Looking back upon this dismal year, it seems curious to note the domestic transgressions, or rather, regressions, of pertinent women in the media. Going into this year I had desperately hoped that Jessica Simpson's reign of terror would play out as her celebration of domesticity, “The Newlyweds,” spun toward unprofitability. Wrong assumption.

Simpson's media ubiquity surged this year, bolstered by her MTV mainstay status with her reality show. Simpson-mania grew so tenaciously it led to an inevitable spin-off with her less-talented sibling, Ashlee.

Benevolent music execs tried in vain to cushion her blow to our eardrums by copping Milli Vanilli “vocal-enhancing” techniques, but it was to no avail. Were this a few years earlier, such a blatant faux pas would have killed an artist's career, but the Simpson machine shows no signs of stopping.

Marriage engagements were on the rise in 2005, following Simpson’s lead. This unfortunate trend culminated in Britney Spear's ill-advised marriage to unwashed man-whore Kevin Federline, and with it the floodgates opened. While it would be reasonable to assume that, given the critical fallout Mrs. Spears-Federline has experienced after her marriage, this would be an inauspicious time for her cohorts in the Hollywood culture machine to marry.

But as the response to the “SNL”-Ashlee Simpson fiasco proves, this was a year devoid of the faintest sense of order or logic. Undeterred, Paris Hilton boasted not one but two marriage engagements in 2005; her fallen sidekick Nicole Richie stands with one.

Christina Aguilera, once a brazen harlot, scaled back her lasciviousness remarkably, choosing to wed milquetoast music exec Jordan Bratman. As the year winds to a close, one thing is certain: matrimony is in.

It's not just the wedding trend, nor even the ongoing Simpson-Hilton media ubiquity. In 2005, women in the media seemed to be taking a concentrated step back. Aside from Hilton's own Tippi Hedren-esque retro-chic, other popular women in 2005 imbibed in retro couture. Scarlett Johansson, turning heads with her red carpet ode to classic Hollywood, and Aguilera, abandoning her previous drrrty-grrrl look, joined in suite.

Given Hollywood's current infatuation with remaking old movies (rejoice, cinephiles, a 2006 remake of Alfred Hitchcock's “The Birds” is on the way!) perhaps a corresponding throwback in fashion was inevitable.

With several real life sequels to “The Newlyweds” on the way, we can take heart in the fact that with marriage comes the inevitability of divorce — two marketing stunts wrapped up in one. If you marry in Hollywood, not getting divorced would be just a waste of possible media coverage.

Jessica Simpson's own separation from her reality TV co-star Nick Lachey proves it true. Perhaps Hollywood's great media sluts will re-discover the joys of being “independent women.”

Oh, Beyonce, how your flock has strayed. Though even her own Destiny’s Child found its heyday singing “Independent Women – Part II,” only to finish its career off with “I need a soldier” and “Cater 2 U” (“Let me feed you / let me run your bathwater / whatever you desire, I'll aspire”).

For the coming year, a renaissance of hackneyed grrrl-power may well be on the way. We can only hope it is accompanied by a Spice Girls reunion tour.

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