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Archived: Nov 30, 2005

Five minutes to close

When dining out goes overtime

By East Anemone

It’s been a long night. Business was slow. As the time ticks on, I’m watching my tips divide into a smaller and smaller hourly wage. The last of my tables are finishing their dessert and then I’m home free. Five minutes to close.

Oh, what’s this? Two people just walked into the restaurant. The wife smiles at the hostess and reveals her name while the husband brushes his jacket off looking at the floor.

It’s like slow motion takes over as her deep, overly pronounced voice stretches to utter, “Smith, party of two. We have 9:30 reservations.”

My jaw drops. No. You can’t be serious. Go the bar! You must be going to the bar?

Then the woman turns her head like a velociraptor, her pointy teeth show like a growling cur. Her eyes meet mine and she nods, knowingly.

You, the diner who knows the restaurant doesn’t technically close for five more minutes, think you’re entitled to keep the kitchen staff, the waitstaff, a bartender and manager from getting on with their lives or going home. You, my friend, are an a-hole.

There is no way you are not aware of what you’re doing.

The couple takes their seats in the restaurant as the restaurant staff lets out a collective silent moan of pain.

They take their time in ordering. It’s 10:10. Everyone other patron has departed.

The broad looks up and around, pretending to be surprised. “Oh, are we the only ones in here?”

“Yup,” I smile politely and concentrate on not glaring at her.

“What time do you close?”

“We closed at 10,” I quickly quip.

“No,” the woman corrects, clicking her tongue. “You stop seating at 10. They took our 9:30 reservation.”

Yeah, and you got here at 9:55, bitch.

If I had 20 people walk in the restaurant and keep me late, it’s worth my time. For a deuce with a bad attitude who’s out to piss me off, my time requires at least a $50 tip — and I highly doubt they’re going to garner a $250 check.

Just because reservations are taken through 10 p.m. does not mean it’s appropriate to make them. Yes, you are the only ones in the restaurant. There’s a very good reason for that: most people eat dinner during the dinner hours, 5 to 8.

If people come in for dessert at 9:55, that’s great! You’re aware that we are closing and everyone’s trying to leave.

Think about it, do you want me to come in to your place of employment five minutes to close and mull around for the next two hours? Oh wait, that’s right, you can kick people out when it’s quitting time. The restaurant industry, however, cannot. Use your manners. Think: Would I be happy if I were him?

Of course, I am given $5.50 for the two hours they were there. Thanks a million.

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