We all have our kinks; if yours is exhibitionism, there are ways to get away with it without getting arrested.

His hand is roaming around inside of her shirt, focusing on the nipple visible through her camisole top. Her hand is rubbing the ever-growing bulge in his blue jeans.

Their tongues are so far down each others’ throats that it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. All of a sudden, through the smoky air and scent of beer, someone screams, “Get a f@&*ing room!”

Passion is important in a relationship, and exhibitionism can be fun, but please, have some respect for those sitting around you. If you don’t, you are bound to have coasters thrown at you, receive disgusted looks and get kicked out.

Perhaps my reference to coasters is presumptuous, but most often, inappropriate groping is conducted in bars. I don’t recall ever hearing about someone getting a handjob at a table in the library.

Public displays of affection such as hand-holding, light kissing, soft caresses of the face or hair, or an arm wrapped around each other may induce random groans from passersby.

None of this is comparable to the looks or comments a couple will receive when the hands start to travel south. Public displays of horniness are going a step too far.

These aren’t gestures of love — sliding your thong to the side so that your date can reach up your skirt and play with you in public. These are the results of pure animal lust and too many shots of Patron.

We’ve all been on one side of this display or another, so everyone can understand that it is repulsive, inappropriate and deserving of being looked down upon … unless it’s you.

Have you ever noticed that the people most irritated by PDAs are the ones who jump right into it with their significant others? The “Get a room!” guy can be found on Sundays cuddling with his woman in Alterra, feeding her bits of biscotti and spit-washing the mocha from her face.

Being on the inside of this duo can be fantastic — same with the groping — but be kind to those around you.

There are OK places to grope and places that are definitely not OK. I’ve groped or have been groped all over this city, so let me tell you where you will get away with some heavy petting in public without pissing anyone off.

We all have our kinks; if yours is exhibitionism, there are ways to get away with it without getting arrested.

Keep on a layer of clothing.

Girls, go to the bathroom and remove your bra and panties (if you wear them), while leaving the rest of your outfit intact. No one will be the wiser, and if they do notice, it takes a crude individual to mention it.

Boys, I can’t say it enough: adjust, adjust, adjust! Make sure your member is in a position conducive to extension and firming. You know what I mean. I’ve seen the looks on the faces of my former boyfriends if they get hard in jeans and their junk isn’t where it should be.

Find a dark corner, away from the maddening crowds. Leave your parts covered. No one needs an indecent exposure ticket.

Many bars have these “make-out corners.” Look around. The darker and louder the bar, the better. If there are cameras, try to stay out of their line of sight.

The best bars good for this, that I have found, are Vitucci’s, Club Anything, Mad Planet, Cush, Mantra, Jamo’s and Axel’s.

I am sure I am missing a lot of good necking spots in this city, but unfortunately, I don’t have a Yellow Pages, nor do I think it’s appropriate to call a bar and ask, “Will I be able to get to third base in a dark corner of your bar?”

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