[Editor's Note: This editorial content is satirical and should not taken seriously. It is merely printed in jest in celebration of April Fool's Day.]
Academic administrations nationwide are praising the UW-Milwaukee English Department for its innovative staffing policies, which have placed grad students in teaching roles for most undergraduate programs.
The UWM English Department skeptically began the shift years ago, but after repeated success — and a greatly-eased set of tenure tracks — department officials say they’re in it for the long haul.
“It’s basically the single greatest development the department has seen since the advent of the typewriter,” Professor of Rhetorical Theory, Writing and Information Technology William Van Pelt said. “I haven’t seen a 100-level student since the ‘90s.”
Grad students are thrilled with the additional workload.
Current grad student Gomer Pyle put it bluntly, “Most of the lower-level students don’t really do the reading … it’s going to be awesome putting up with a couple hundred hung-over undergrads after St. Patty’s, in addition to the work I’ll be doing on my master’s thesis.”
Faculty members say the change has not only freed up time for more research, but has definitely eased the payroll burden the department faces.
“With all the money we’ve saved by utilizing these grad students, we’ve been able to invest in some nifty new technologies,” said Lane Hall, Professor of Digital Art and Culture, while gesturing to a new DLP projector. “Check it out. This thing will do 1080p if I put it in the right mode. I can’t wait for Avatar to come out on Blu-ray.”
What do students think of the setup?
“It definitely makes the classroom experience more personal,” undergrad English major Katharine Daly said. “It’s more comfortable when the person teaching the class is only eight or nine years older than me.”
Josh Anderson, a fourth-year student in the program, said he understands the department’s concerns.
“I definitely wouldn’t want to [have to] teach myself,” Anderson said. But he also added that it’s important to be understanding, and let things be.
“It might irk some other people that they’re not actually getting face time with the faculty, but I’m cool with it,” Anderson said. “I don’t want them to go raising tuition any more than they have to.”
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