When you have a lover, no strings attached, you must keep with the general rules. Do not speak to each other about anything besides sex and perhaps the weather. If you start talking about your interests, you have ruined your sex object.

Beware of making your booty call into a human being. I had this happen to me recently. I have a fuck buddy who is smoking hot and quite a good lover, but the other day, we got into a short discussion while he was getting ready to go home.

It went like this:

“So, do you have to work tomorrow?” I inquire as I watch him pull his T-shirt down over his six-pack abs.

“Yeah, but only for a couple of hours. I have tons of homework lately, though.” At this point he’s sitting on my bed, putting on his shoes.

“Oh! Do you go to UWM?” I am actually surprised at this point and wondering how I didn’t know this.

“Yep.”

“Do you ever read the Post? I write for it.” I say as he starts checking his pockets to make sure he has everything. “I write the sex column.”

“Do you? I’ve read that before. I didn’t know it was you.” At this point, I grab a copy of my column off the floor, and start rummaging around for the article I wrote about New Year’s (he was mentioned in it).

He reads through the column I have handed him, looks at me, and says the most shocking thing he could have said.

“Devon, I’m a journalism major.”

I was so surprised I could have fallen off my chair if I hadn’t been sitting on the floor.

Journalism? But that’s my passion, my love, the career that keeps me hoping for positive things in my future! How is it possible that this beautiful man who I was perfectly happy just sleeping with and knowing nothing of has a passion for something besides passion?

Journalism, can you believe it? I don’t mean to be offensive, but he’s so pretty, I just assumed he wasn’t smart. Now, I find out that this man, who I told I was looking for a regular lover, has more than just looks and ability in bed.

This is a huge problem.

I was perfectly content just having meaningless (though delightful) sex with him, but now I keep wondering if we could be compatible with our clothes on as well as off. I told him a while back that I wasn’t looking to date him, and I was completely serious. I don’t have time to date nor do I know if he thinks of me as anything but sex, but I find myself wondering, “what if …”

This is totally unfair to him, so I feel hesitant to bring it up. I have casually mentioned us grabbing a cocktail sometime, but it has never come to fruition. I am somewhat willing to take the chance and mention my thoughts on this subject to him to see where this could go.

On the other hand, I enjoy him as a lover and would hate to lose the sex. Sigh.

I would never have had this problem if we had never made small talk. I never even would have wondered about our compatibility. Now, I find myself thinking, “Put your pants on, I want to have a conversation.” That’s life.